Saturday, January 31, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Sorry I just had to get this off my chest.

Is the price of black pepper really that expensive?

I mean why is it that there’s only a few sprinkles of pepper in a pack?
Pepper never gave anyone high blood pressure
but yet there’s only a few sprinkles of it in a pack.
I actually need to use 3-4 packs for an order of small fries.

W.T.F?

Now in a salt pack, you can easily head on to the afterlife
if you attempt to put a whole pack on an order of fries.

There’s a small salt mine in one of these things.
Just one pack can be used on 12 orders of large fries
and you’ll still have salt left over.
Then you’re running around the store trying to get
90 pepper packets for the same amount of fries.

All I want to know is …Why?

Posted in rant | 1 Comment »

Wednesday, January 28, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Once again here we are to break things down, I hope you enjoy:
(I  think I need an intro image for this series)

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

The Hook-up

(damn this dude is dark..dark, like…Nikia dark,
I mean this guy is literally purple!)

Folks can’t live without their hook-up! “The Hook-up” not to get
confused with hooking-up (means something different) mean to
get a deal on something, not paying full price. Now some of you
may say, “Isn’t that what White people would just call a sale?”
The answer is no, a sale is usually a certain percent off of the
retail cost of the item & can be returned to the store for exchange.
The hook-up will usually be done with cash only with a complete
stranger and you may never see that person again except possibly
on an episode of cops or in a police line-up. The hook-up is mostly
for those who were at the right place at the right time or knew
the right people.
Things White People Like

Microbreweries

White people don’t like stuff that’s easy to acquire.
Beer is no exception. They generally try to avoid beers
like Budweiser, Labatt’s, Molson, Coors, and Heineken
because if it’s mass produced it is bad.  No exceptions.

So when they need a beer, they turn to microbrews who
seem to be located almost exclusively in Brooklyn,
New England, Ontario, Quebec and Colorado.
Being able to walk into a bar and order a beer that no one
has heard of makes white people feel good about
their alcohol drinking palate.

Also of note: most white people want to open a
microbrewery at some point.  One that uses organic hops.

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

Hennessy
a.k.a. Hen-Dog,
a.k.a. Yak,
a.k.a. Henny,
a.k.a. Brown Juice

One of the most popular cognacs. White people will traditionally
drink it slowly sipped from a warmed snifter glass, but Black people
will mix it with anything from coke to apple juice.
This is one of the most widely popular alcoholic
beverages that is at every black party, get together, family reunion or bbq.
While it is a very strong spirit, it is popular with the women just as much.
It isn’t cheap, so in most cases it is a BYOB expression when
showing up at a gathering.

Out of curiosity I looked up the definition in urbandictionary and found this:

[A hard liquor that black people from the ghetto drink
to solve all their problems. Sometimes poured out to
honor another’s death]

Things White People Like

Sweaters/Shorts

The sweater is an essential part of the white person wardrobe.
The most popular example of this is the cardigan sweater,
which is essentially a wool jacket with less buttons.
A young white person will combine it with a t-shirt to create a ‘layered look.’
This is a chance to show people that they own not one but two cool items of clothing.
White people also appreciate the irony of ugly sweaters
that usually feature things like reindeer and snowmen.
Though it seems unlikely, white people have even
been able to turn this into a theme for parties.

Regardless of the type of sweater, it is also good to be
aware of the fact that finding a nice sweater at a thrift shop, goodwill
or a Steve & Barrys is considered a major event in the
life of a white person.  Scoring a garment that makes it into the
regular rotation for under $10 is a story that white people
will tell for up to five years after it happens.

Now for Shorts

I found this on yahoo.answers:

It is a known fact that white people believe that they can
bring spring early by wearing a pair of shorts on any day that is
above seasonal temperatures. This myth runs so deep that they
will often wear shorts the following day when temperatures drop,
at which point they will refuse to recognize that it is cold.

When you encounter a cold white person in shorts it’s best
to say “I can’t wait until it’s warm enough to go windsurfing.”
They will likely give you a high five.

Dude its obviously fall you have on a sweater so we know its cold…
what’s with the damn sandals & shorts???

Since I had a double comment on the last issue I will balance it out
with one more…

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

Sneakers
a.k.a. Kicks,
a.k.a. Sneaks,
a.k.a. Dogs,
a.k.a. Socks,
a.k.a. 1’s

The most popular brands are Jordans, and Air Force Ones.
Being that I can’t ever recall owning a pair of either I’m not sure
what the fascination is with them. But its important enough
for folks to get shot over if you ever step on a Black person’s
fresh new $250 pair of kicks. I can’t believe you don’t have the
new Obama 1’s??? WTF Dude!

In the Black Community millions have been spent on kicks.
It doesn’t stop with Obama, they also have
Louis Vuitton & Gucci 1’s.
There’s even a store in Harlem dedicated to just 1’s starting at $200.

If you want to show your Black friends some much respect then give
props  to his kicks. The following phrase will usually get you in:
“Damn kid you Stuntin’, you must have spent some guap on those kicks”
Please don’t ad lib, just repeat the phrase as is!

Posted in PeopleHumor | 11 Comments »

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Scrimps n’ Stuff

I was a bit hungry so I headed to a few spots for some takeout:

Grilled Chicken Flatbread, Cheddar Biscuits
& Breadsticks with Alfredo Sauce.

I may have gone a bit overboard with the bread items.

Posted in Food | 7 Comments »

Monday, January 26, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Is it Gucci….nah that’s too sweet for a brother
Is it LVuitton….nah that’s for those sugar substitute dudes…
…Sweet n’ (On the Down) Low!
I got the hot new Travel & Safety Authority approved:

Belkin FlyThru

So now I don’t have to take my laptop out of the bag when I travel.
The middle flips open and has clear covers so TSA folks see that its a laptop
and it can be scanned without issues.After it’s scanned you flip, zip and fly.

No more extra step going through security at the airport.

Posted in tech | 3 Comments »

Monday, January 26, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Who’s the man?
I am… as if you didn’t know that already!
In my last post I listed companies that were in trouble
and what do you know…this just in:

Sprint announces

• 8,000 layoffs
• suspending the 401(k) matching program for 2009
• extending the 2008 salary freeze through 2009
• suspending its tuition reimbursement program for 2009

Damn I guess slavery wasn’t abolished after all.
At this point I’m not even sure they get paid in U.S. currency.
I’m thinking they get paid in Mexican Pesos or India Rupees.

Also GM announced this morning that 2,000 will be laid off.

In other news:

One of the shopping plazas near me has a small bird problem
that is best described by Alfred Hitchcock in “The Birds”!

Sorry the pic is blurry but I was running like hell!

Every one of those dark spots are birds,
hundreds and hundreds of birds. Take a closer look…

Posted in Random | 1 Comment »

Friday, January 23, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

In the Past 45 days…

Circuit City lays off 34,000
Microsoft lays off 5,000
Bose lays off 1,000
AMD lays off 1,000
Intel lays off 6,000
IBM/Lenovo lays off 2,500
Motorola lays off 4,000
Sony lays off 8,000
AT&T lays off 12,000

Sharper Image is also closing its doors shortly
so go on down for the sales.

So Who’s next?

Gap

Gap has seen a pretty large decrease in revenue this year &
has closed about 8-13% of its store.
Chapter 11 in 09′ Should  go under in 2010.

Starbucks

Starbucks has slashed hundreds of stores and
thousands of employees but no one is buying $5 coffee
so their revenue is still plunging.
Starbucks will file chapter 11 in 09′.

But where will I get a strawberry-frappa-mocha-swirl-
a-chino-latte, with 4% soy milk and a dash of cinnamon?

Lane Bryant

O.M.F.G. !!
Big Girlz across the country will be on suicide watch!!!

Nikia run down & buy everything you can, ’cause no
other stores would have your size.
(It will be hard as hell for you to find a clothing store
that has sizes 24+ or XXLLXXLXXLLXX)

Sears/Kmart Let’s be real no one is going out and buying new
ultra expensive items for their homes right now so Sears isn’t
doing well. To add to the bad news Sears owns Kmart and with just
a few Kmart stores still left it doesn’t look good for the once mighty
Sears, Roebuck & Co.

Sprint/Nextel

Sprint most likely will survive 2009 but it will be a close call.
They have been able to sell off parts of its business to stay afloat but
they are stuck with their crappy phones & push2talk which is hurting
business as people flock to the newer phones from att/verizon/tmo.

Zales

Most likely will close another 15% of its stores after closing 5% in ‘08.
They will most likely file for bankruptcy in ‘09.

Notable mentions to look out for in ‘09 financial trouble:

Posted in PSA | 1 Comment »

Thursday, January 22, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Since I got a lot of positive feedback, I’ve decided to keep this weekly series going.

So here we go again:

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

In the summertime you can frequently catch folks outside with
white powder around their necks and you may not know why?

Nope, not just used for babies to prevent diaper rash.
This is something that you can find in the bathroom in a
black household and most likely there might not even
be any children in the home.  Baby power is a ritually
used product, that is placed on the body to absorb
sweat after taking a shower/bath.
The term “so fresh and so clean-clean” is usually
topped off, with Baby Powder being placed on the body,
usually the chest and back area, but in some cases are
placed in underwear as well, for that added freshness.

Things White People Like

It is a fact that white people will never turn down an opportunity
to enlighten other people on the correct way to think.

(Hey Adam I bet you $5 bucks that Grollman’s car looks like this)

While this is very easy to do through email or face to face
conversation, it is exceptionally difficult to do while driving a car.
Fortunately for white people there is a solution that is
both popular and ineffective: bumper stickers.

I came across this car at the parking lot at work

When a white person drives an older car (6+ years old) that has a
resale value under $2000, they will coat the entire backside of the
car in bumper stickers.
But when white people have a nice new car such as a Prius or an Audi
station wagon, the fear of losing resale value prevents them from
applying more than one sticker. Some popular stickers ones include
telling people to Coexist and to stop eating meat.

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

You can not go to black neighborhoods without seeing several
hair salons, barber shops, wig shops, and beauty supplies on
every corner. Hair care is very important and is priority, not an option.

There are even magazines that dedicate themselves
to the need for flawless hair.

Black people take a lot of time and pride into their hair.
It is very crucial that the hair cut is on point, the braids are tight,
and the hair is straightened to perfection.  The barbershop and
beauty salon payments have now become a bill expense
not just an “extra” expense.

The price is never too high because it is realized that you get what
you pay for and damn-it if the end result will not be fly,
it’s not worth getting. And if you’re the stylist and that person’s hair
doesn’t come out fly…. you’re getting a for sure
ass whoopin’ verbally (and possible physically).

There is a certain brush for certain hair styles and those
must be obtained. In order to keep the hair looking fresh
there must be something to wrap the hair up at night
to ensure the “flawlessness” look in the morning.

Things White People Like

The Pea Coat was originally worn by sailors and members
of the European Navy.  If you think about it for a second,
this means that the coat is European, Coastal, and Vintage.
Three of white people’s favorite things.

Like with sweaters, the process of acquiring a Pea Coat
is almost as important as the coat itself.  Fashionable
white people can purchase designer pea coats for well
over $1000, but the top ranked white people
purchase their at Army Surplus stores.

Another common characteristic of the coat is that
white people will write their names on the label inside
the coat.  This is not done for fear of theft, but rather
as a necessary precaution against party mixups.
You see, when a white person attends a party in the winter
time they will often be required to put their jacket in a room
with literally dozens of other pea coats!  Since these coats often
contain ticket stubs to the same concerts and identical
Trader Joe’s receipts, it can be impossible to find the
original owner without a name written inside.

Posted in PeopleHumor | 4 Comments »

Wednesday, January 21, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I don’t know where the hell you’ve been but I’m from a Brooklyn
and my part of Brooklyn has been in a recession since I was born!

So All you folks that just started feeling the recession…stop Bitchin’!!!

Recession is hitting the turkeys hard

I grew up on this block back in the 80’s…
it hasn’t changed much at all.

You can all stop pretending now its been here for a while already!

Don’t get me started on Housing Prices….

Posted in Random | No Comments »

Tuesday, January 20, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Obama for mankind…
We ready for damn change so just let the man shine
On Martin Luther’s Day, I’m feeling just like a “King”
Guess this is what he meant when he said that he had a dream…

When Millions of peoples are riled up to see you
That can arouse one’s ego, but we’ve got Millions of mouths to feed so
please stay true to who you are and where you came from
‘Cause at the top will be the same place you fall from
No matter how big you can ever be
For whatever fee or publicity, never lose your integrity
Today is a good day, nah it’s a great day!
You are one of the brightest and best;
a person this nation will certainly put to the test.
To those who don’t know this is the “Audacity of Hope”
ask Black people are they scared bout tomorrow, the answer… nope!

‘Cause my President Is Black and if he can make it
Then Dammit I can too.

My 1st Lady Is Black Too

We need to put Obama on some currency:

This year I made a big change from spending large amounts of
money on putting women through college and medical school
lets call them ‘Pole’-iticians.
And I donated that money to a Real ‘Politician’.
I feel proud that my green went to the Obama campaign.
I contributed literally to changing history and the world as we knew it.

Now for the jokes…

Ok. It’s been 2 hours since we’ve elected a Black President…
Is the recession over yet?

Mr. President I would like to get my taxes
completed by Feb 1st what’s up with that stimulus?

For all you folks that are even thinking about it:
Don’t get sprayed by the A.K.47, we are NOT playing that!

Is Bill Clinton trying to get that number…
Michelle if he pulls out a cigar….RUN!!
(anyone notice that his scarf matches her custom made dress)

Diddy & his Mama (lady with the platinum hair),
JayZ, Beyonce & Solange all made it to the inauguration

WTF is JayZ thinking, seriously folks if I ever buy
another JayZ song please pop a 9mm cap in my ass.

A few more stars were out at the mall…
Samuel L. Jackson & Dustin Hoffman

Oprah and Stedman

Denzel Washington

Boxing Great Ali

Martin Luther King III & Family

Who in the Hell left the gate open & let Don King in?

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is now happy
to be Black, after years of running from his ethnicity.
(also pictured are 3 other members of the Supreme Court)

Now for some jokers…

Please don’t laugh at the handicapped!!!

The Cripple: (Dick Cheney being wheeled in)

The Alzheimer’s Guy:
Just think…folks actually wanted to elect him as prez…
That’s Scary!

Finally The Retarded Jerk:
(Blow that kiss to my ass…you idiot)
See ya!

Posted in OMG | 4 Comments »

Monday, January 19, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Can down south dudes please stop dancin’ around their
grandmomma’s good china and hopping out of pantry closets!!!

The whole Souljaboy thing was cool for a few days
but now its going too far. Is it me or is this the absolute
gayest Bullshit you have EVER seen!!!
(no disrespect to my gay peeps)

Dudes shaking their ass all over the place looking as
feminine as they want to be.
I bet some undercover down low brother started this dumb
dance craze.

Seriously as a lady (someone please tell me)
what would make you even say hello to a guy doing this dumbness:

Oh wait, I guess the ladies don’t mind because they are doing it to.
I’ve been at a club and 90% of the people on the dance floor were
running around dancing like this. I’ve seen 35 year old women that
are up in the club doing dances like “Duggie”, “Stanky Leg” or the
“Dirty Booty”

Is this why Black America has no hope. I need talking down.
Young folks would rather use their time learning how to
dance like idiot, then to pick up a book and learn something.

MLK would be tempted to put a cap in these folks…

Ok on to announcement #2

Being that the young guys these days aren’t even interested
in education or making a living….why are ladies getting pregnant
by these same guys??

Why are women that can barely hold a job, living
at home with parents allowed to have kids.
Please tell me.

Guys: If you can’t afford to pay a cel phone bill every month
why are you having kids.

Ladies: If your boyfriend or husband can’t
hold down a steady job other than McD’s or Key Food why
are you with him.

I’m not talking about a 19yr old guy
just starting out. I’m talking about husbands and boyfriends
that are over 25 and have been working at waffle house 7 years.

I said all of that to bring this point home:
Use a condom it doesn’t cost much.

Here’s my philosophy:

Now a moment for a commercial:
(I was down for the commercial, until the yellow balloon
changes the type of party it was)
Must be NYC balloons!

And in conclusion:

Happy MLK Day folks.

Posted in PSA | 3 Comments »

Monday, January 19, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Here’s a few pics of some of the delicious meals I’ve had here in TX:

From Mike Anderson’s BBQ
Smoked ribs & smoked sliced beef with some mash & beans

Just to make your mouth water Katie:

From ThaiSky; Fresh Mango & jasmine sticky rice

NY doesn’t know what it’s missing. TX rocks just look at my local
Mickey D’s: That’s right fresh popcorn & cotton candy sold at McD’s!
Crazy hot…right?

O.M.F.G.!!
Why did Waffle House bring me orange juice from a bucket?
Better question is…why did I drink it???

Posted in Food | 1 Comment »

Monday, January 19, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Posted in Fun | No Comments »

Saturday, January 17, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Videos Of The Week:

Funny tire commercial,
Amazing future gymnast
And Rapper Yung Berg gets arrested!!

Pics Of The Week:

This license plate was an attempt to display “dva gina” as in “diva  gina”.
But when I see it it says “d vagina” as in “the vagina”.
Hey I don’t pretend…You know I’m a bad boy so my mind stays on it!
How do you read the plate?

Hey you gotta love the swagger of a chick that would let everyone know
she has the best vagina in town. You know damn well I got her number!

Next up:
I’ve been advertising my extra fresh for years to women.
Ladies have said that my extra fresh is better than Cristal Champagne.
But I’d be damn if mine is on sale for $10, I start the bidding at $1000!

Next time let’s not abbreviate the word spearmint.

Next up:

Sneak Peek! (Ashanti on the set)
Ashanti & Plies on the set of his video.
I can’t stand this woman’s voice but
you must admit she always has her weave tight &
her shoe game is usually on fire!!
These pics get 2 Thumbs up.

It’s Official:

KLS (Kimora Lee) has a bun in the oven by that ashy Amistad  guy!

Posted in Random | No Comments »

Friday, January 16, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

It’s a bargain hunter’s delight!

They will be closing all 567 stores &
laying off over 30,000 workers!

All merchandise must go & for a great price!
Just don’t expect to get any more than the
manufacturer’s 90 day to 1 year warranty on all items!

I think its time for me to trade in my 32in & 52in TV’s
for brand new replacements before they close since my warranty
will probably be voided after they close.

Hey Ladies:
If any of you have boyfriends or husbands that work for CC,
I guess you can tell him to kick rocks on the side of the street
for a living ‘cuz its a wrap.

By the way I am accepting applications for a new
female assistants, the hours are long and the pay is good.
You must be in uniform daily, no exceptions!
(4 inch heels & fishnets are mandatory)

Please apply via email with a photo picture to
the email address listed on this site.

Posted in OMG | 4 Comments »

Thursday, January 15, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I was cruising my neighborhood and saw these animals
just enjoying themselves.

Although my fist impulse was to hop out of the car, saddle
them up and head down to Jake’s Saloon for some Sarsaparillas!
I just decided to just snap the pic instead.

There’s even a few houses nearby with roosters!
It’s such a problem that some towns are forcing folks to get rid
of the roosters since some people sleep during the day.
NO Texas isn’t full of farms, people get tax breaks for having livestock
so some will have horses or other animals to get the tax credit.

Don’t get it twisted its not all rural.
We can do urban.

Dallas Cowboys Arlington Stadium (under construction) opens 8/2009:

i

True story right after taking these pics I got pulled over by
Arlington P.D. Unlike in NY I didn’t get shot at 50 times

& unlike in LA I didn’t
get dragged out of the car & beat.
(Rodney King footage was too grainy low tech video back then
but here’s some Philly officers whooping some black dude’s ass)

I was let go with a warning about
coming to a full stop when turning on red lights.

Ladies have been asking when the hell am I going to get my
sexy ass back to NY to party?
The answer is as soon as your pilots learn the difference
between a runway & a riverbank

Posted in AtHome | 3 Comments »

Wednesday, January 14, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I came across this website, check it out.

This is the funniest website on the planet.
I love this website I can’t get enough of it.

Here’s a peek:

Posted in PeopleHumor | No Comments »

Wednesday, January 14, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

This blog goes out to Brooklyn…What up Son!

 I miss the old Bklyn you when you had to hop on that train down to
Coney Island on Easter Sunday with you best clothes on.

Remember the movie theaters we used to go to?

Duffield, Kenmore or Loews on Fulton & Jay

 Running down to VIMs to get 1st day of school clothes

 Hitting up Eastern Parkway for West Indian Parade
(Even NYPD tried to get into the action)

 Hitting the Bodega for some lucys
(lucy=loose cigarette)
Remember when there were a dime! Now its like 50cents

 You couldn’t have a birthday without a cake from College Bakery
Maxwell’s Bakery sucks compared to College!

 You had to learn to drive so either you had a family member
or you went to the school and would be in the back of RedHook practicing.

 Get your skate and your pimp on at the rink…

 Albee Square is where you can get a lot of number from girls shoppin it up

  Forget Keyspan and Verizon
Give me B.U.G. and NY Tel Co

To eat there was always City Sub on Bergen street or
Carolina Country Kitchen on Atlantic ave.

No Philly Bluntz…

Just E-Z Wider & Bambu

Aight…stop complaining you can get fancy
with it and get them flavored

Feel me Brooklyn?

Ok I’ll stop now before I start up with Billy Dee & Colt 45

Posted in Random | No Comments »

Monday, January 12, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Posted in Fun | 2 Comments »

Sunday, January 11, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Since I’ve become an adult
(with only the occasional immature relapse, usually around
the time when I’m out and Patron shots come into play)
I’ve tried to understand human behavior and how
different races act different ways.

So today I’ve decided to start blogging about my findings in
a new series of posts called: 4 My Peeps

What is it about?

Now Black Folks don’t go & get all sensitive and call Al Sharpton or complain
about me on Barack’s BlackPlanet (I love the way it plays The Jackson 5’s Frosty)
or his MySpace pages and White Folks don’t
even think about calling or writing a letter to Ted Kennedy, Mitch McConnell
or any other U.S. Senator because its done with love & of course humor in mind.

I’ll be bringing quotes from other websites & my own original ideas directly to you
and I need your feedback with some comments.

This is to help my Black peeps understand how to interact with
White people and to help my White peeps understand
how to interact with my Black peeps.

Here We Go:

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

Come on…I’ve been Black for a while, since around birth and I have
only tried this dish once and couldn’t stand it. Why do folks go crazy
over some Damn Chicken ‘n Waffles???

White peeps you can’t go wrong by asking your Black friends
to hit up Roscoe’s for a bite to eat.
Now I’m talking about your everyday Black people not your
Black Republican friends (as it would offend them).

Things White People Like

Black Music that Black Folks Don’t Listen To Anymore

 
Pictured is a DeLaSoul concert and I couldn’t help noticing the absence
of Black faces.

 Here’s what one White guy had to say on the topic:

“All music genres go through a very similar life cycle: birth, growth, mainstream acceptance, decline, and finally obscurity.  With black music, however, the final stage is never reached because white people are work tirelessly to keep it alive.  Apparently, once a music has lost its relevance with its intended audience, it becomes MORE relevant to white people. “

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

I don’t like this stuff either and have never used it on my food.
That makes me think…Am I really Black then?
Does it really come in spray bottles & gallons?
Although Southern White People will get fancy and get
that fire Jalepeno green sauce its still hot sauce.

I’ve seen Black folks put hot sauce on everything from
greens , popcorn, potato chips and even salad.
Some people even carry a small bottle with them!

I’ve seen a bottle of hot sauce that sold
for $300 that promises to literally melt
the taste buds off of your tongue and possibly kill you.

I must admit I’ve used the sauce below many times
but not on food. Usually after a night
(involving some patron shots in a club with some honeys)
some sauce will appear sometime between
the after-party and the hotel lobby with the
same couple of chicks from the club.

Things White People Like

Hummus:

I still don’t know What The Fuck Hummus or CousCous
really are and I’ve seen them both made!

When it comes to food, all white people are either allergic to/or
have stopped eating everything you consider delicious.
It’s a good idea to come to grips with the concept,
because it will save you a lot of headaches.

All white people like hummus.  In fact, if you find a white
person who does not like hummus then they probably just
haven’t tasted it or they are the wrong kind of white person.
In either case, they are probably not someone that you want to know.

Putting out a plate of hummus and pita makes white people
very comfortable.  It reminds them of home since at any
given time a white person has hummus in their fridge.
Even the most barren white refrigerator will have a
package of the stuff next to an empty Brita filter.

 White people are also relieved when they see hummus
because they recognize the contents immediately.

Me: “Let’s get Chinese food”
White Person #1: “Um, yeah, last time I was there I tried to ask the waitress if they used any pork stock in the preparation of the vegetables and she didn’t really give me a response that makes me comfortable eating there again.”

By providing your guests with a plate of hummus, you can guarantee that
you won’t have to have this infuriating conversation in your own home.
But that doesn’t mean you are safe.  To cover all your bases, it is always a
good idea keep some Gluten free crackers in your pantry.

Submit some comments, let me know if I’m making sense.

Posted in PeopleHumor | 3 Comments »

Monday, January 5, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Posted in Fun | No Comments »