4 My Peeps…

Sunday, January 11, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Since I’ve become an adult
(with only the occasional immature relapse, usually around
the time when I’m out and Patron shots come into play)
I’ve tried to understand human behavior and how
different races act different ways.

So today I’ve decided to start blogging about my findings in
a new series of posts called: 4 My Peeps

What is it about?

Now Black Folks don’t go & get all sensitive and call Al Sharpton or complain
about me on Barack’s BlackPlanet (I love the way it plays The Jackson 5’s Frosty)
or his MySpace pages and White Folks don’t
even think about calling or writing a letter to Ted Kennedy, Mitch McConnell
or any other U.S. Senator because its done with love & of course humor in mind.

I’ll be bringing quotes from other websites & my own original ideas directly to you
and I need your feedback with some comments.

This is to help my Black peeps understand how to interact with
White people and to help my White peeps understand
how to interact with my Black peeps.

Here We Go:

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

Come on…I’ve been Black for a while, since around birth and I have
only tried this dish once and couldn’t stand it. Why do folks go crazy
over some Damn Chicken ‘n Waffles???

White peeps you can’t go wrong by asking your Black friends
to hit up Roscoe’s for a bite to eat.
Now I’m talking about your everyday Black people not your
Black Republican friends (as it would offend them).

Things White People Like

Black Music that Black Folks Don’t Listen To Anymore

 
Pictured is a DeLaSoul concert and I couldn’t help noticing the absence
of Black faces.

 Here’s what one White guy had to say on the topic:

“All music genres go through a very similar life cycle: birth, growth, mainstream acceptance, decline, and finally obscurity.  With black music, however, the final stage is never reached because white people are work tirelessly to keep it alive.  Apparently, once a music has lost its relevance with its intended audience, it becomes MORE relevant to white people. “

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

I don’t like this stuff either and have never used it on my food.
That makes me think…Am I really Black then?
Does it really come in spray bottles & gallons?
Although Southern White People will get fancy and get
that fire Jalepeno green sauce its still hot sauce.

I’ve seen Black folks put hot sauce on everything from
greens , popcorn, potato chips and even salad.
Some people even carry a small bottle with them!

I’ve seen a bottle of hot sauce that sold
for $300 that promises to literally melt
the taste buds off of your tongue and possibly kill you.

I must admit I’ve used the sauce below many times
but not on food. Usually after a night
(involving some patron shots in a club with some honeys)
some sauce will appear sometime between
the after-party and the hotel lobby with the
same couple of chicks from the club.

Things White People Like

Hummus:

I still don’t know What The Fuck Hummus or CousCous
really are and I’ve seen them both made!

When it comes to food, all white people are either allergic to/or
have stopped eating everything you consider delicious.
It’s a good idea to come to grips with the concept,
because it will save you a lot of headaches.

All white people like hummus.  In fact, if you find a white
person who does not like hummus then they probably just
haven’t tasted it or they are the wrong kind of white person.
In either case, they are probably not someone that you want to know.

Putting out a plate of hummus and pita makes white people
very comfortable.  It reminds them of home since at any
given time a white person has hummus in their fridge.
Even the most barren white refrigerator will have a
package of the stuff next to an empty Brita filter.

 White people are also relieved when they see hummus
because they recognize the contents immediately.

Me: “Let’s get Chinese food”
White Person #1: “Um, yeah, last time I was there I tried to ask the waitress if they used any pork stock in the preparation of the vegetables and she didn’t really give me a response that makes me comfortable eating there again.”

By providing your guests with a plate of hummus, you can guarantee that
you won’t have to have this infuriating conversation in your own home.
But that doesn’t mean you are safe.  To cover all your bases, it is always a
good idea keep some Gluten free crackers in your pantry.

Submit some comments, let me know if I’m making sense.

Posted in PeopleHumor | 3 Comments »