Saturday, February 28, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Here’s the new hot BB crusted in pink ice…

I was looking at some pics of Janet Jackson and a question came to mind.
How in the Hell can she go from this:

To This:

Then when she has to drop an album and go on tour back to this:

Posted in Random | 2 Comments »

Friday, February 27, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Guess where?

View From my 3rd Fl Balcony
(biggest suite in the Hotel with the best view)

Hemi Park and the rotating restaurant

The Riverwalk is hot, but scary since I can’t swim

Which way is West?

Davey Crockett & his dead ass Homiez

Trolley Street Car

Is it odd enough for plumpdumpling to shop at?

This Bar is just crazy..

Lunch: Smoked Chicken Quesadilla

$30 dollar Bfast, Blueberry Pancackes, Sausage, Bacon, Cheese Eggs
Juice, Toast and has browns

The Alamo…sucks right?

Boat Rides down the riverwalk

SAPD on river patrol - I had to toss my dime bag in the bushes

Acapulco Sam’s, or Mad Dog’s are the hot spots on the riverwalk.

Also I hot spot is Howlin at the Moon a dueling piano bar.
While there I had 3 glasses of wine, 1 XX beer and this mutha fu#ker
It comes with 5 straws meaning it’s meant for 5 people to drink not 1!
It comes in a bucket and costs $30. It contains 151 and a few
other things that I can’t remember since I lost all memory from that
night.

Posted in Work | 2 Comments »

Thursday, February 26, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

O.M.F.G.  I am sooooo freaking tired of turning on my TV
and seeing these lame weird guys trying to sell me dumb ass
items I have no interest in buying.

First up is the Big Boy Billy Mays:

This dude has tried to pimp everything you can think of including his mother:

• Aquapel
• Awesome Auger, Ground Aug, Weed Auger, and Power Extender gardening tools
• Bedazzler
• Big City Slider Station
• Bloomin’ Onion Maker
• Buddy Putty
• CLR - Calcium Lime Rust
• Ding King automotive dent remover
• Dualsaw
• Easy Off Bam!
• Energize energy supplement
• EngraveIt
• Foodsaver
• FreeFone wireless phone holder
• Gator Grip
• Gem It
• Gopher reach extending tool
• Handy Switch
• Hercules Hook wall hangers
• House Dust
• Kaboom! cleaning product
• Lint-B-Gone lint brush
• Liquid Diamond car waxing product
• Mantis Roto-Tiller
• Micro-Men Duster
• Mighty Mend It
• Mighty Putty
• Mighty Shine
• Miracle Whip
• Never-Scrub tile cleaner
• Orange Clean, Orange Glo
• OxiClean
• Quik Strip wire stripping tool
• Samurai Shark knife sharpener
• Sealtite Tire Sealant
• Simoniz Fix It Scratch Remover
• Steam Buddy
• Swiffer SweeperVac
• Tommy and Rumble
• Turbo Tiger vacuum cleaner
• Turbo Vac vacuum cleaner
• Vidalia Chop-it
• Vidalia Slice-it
• Vidalia Slice Wizard
• What Odor? odor eliminator spray
• Zip Wrench
• Zorbeez absorbent towels

Next is the New Carrot Top (wannabe Jim Carey) of Infomercials

• Sham-Wow
• Slap-Chop

Now the British version of these annoying fu#kers

• The One Sweep
• Natural Bra, (WTF a guy selling a bra???)
• Jet Tan
• Slimming Pants
• Glass Wizard
• Swivel Sweeper
• First Alert Instant Alarm
• The Stick Up Bulb!

Anyone else annoyed? Or do you whip out your credit card and buy?

Also have you heard about the guy who decided to bill his
Ex-girlfriend after they broke up? (click on image to view full size img)

I would have charged her $150,000 for “sperm donations”.

Posted in rant | 3 Comments »

Sunday, February 22, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Some stories you will make cry, some will make you laugh…
This story will make you want to go and get your hair done or maybe not done!

I need answers folks, how does a weave stop a bullet:

• Did she buy her weave from Planet Krypton’s Hair Emporium?
• Was her weave made from Superman’s back shavings?
• How many decades has that weave been in her head?
• Was her weave put in using Spider Silk?
• Can we now technically call that Nappy Shit “Dreadlocks”?
• If it can stop a bullet can we assume it will also stop a knife?
• Should the US Government start making our troops uniforms out of her weave?
• We know it can stop a 9mm slug, What about a 50 cal?
• Will her hair receive the key to the city or a commendation for saving her life?
• What’s dirtier her weave or Charlie Brown’s friend Pig-Pen?
• Why the hell is she still driving around in a car with a shot out back window

The C Breezy and Ri Ri fight has inspired a new video game:

This woman’s parents must be sooooo damn proud!!!
Although my heart goes out to her embarrassed ass parents…
If I can bring a little joy into her life by giving her something she
loves sooo much (in the back seat of my Jeep of course),
who am I to deny her that joy!  Damn I love Atlanta.
(Hey girl… He loves you right back!)

First this woman’s face looks like something straight from
an episode of The X Files! Secondly, Is this really Tito Jackson?
WTF is up with this old ass guy, Hang it the fuck up dude!
Plus in case no one told you…I will…Dude you’re gay!

Someone please tell her to either use that lip gloss in her hand or put it away!
Dude if you’re going to be an O.G. (Original Gangster) or a Pimp
you need to have style and a hot ass young ass woman on your arm
As in Ice-T & Coco:
(I’d gladly sign my soul over to Satan and burn in hell for some Coco!)
(Matter of fact I’d burn in hell for double eternity to have Coco)
(please Lord let me hit lotto ’cause the first thing I’d buy is Coco)

And what’s with Lil’ Kim…Fellas:
Remember when her first CD dropped & every dude
that took one look at this album cover wanted to wife Kim
(all the ladies were hatin’ on her)

I don’t really know when the change happened but where did
that cute little “down for whateva”, “ride or die”, “Hardcore”
Brooklyn chick go?

The promiscuous, gun in her garter belt, run that chain fool,
but always “I’m a laaaadddy” chick we all fell in love with!

Someone please tell me what happened, ’cause now I wouldn’t touch
Kim if I was high on weed , hopped up rollin on Xtcy and Cialis

Lil’ Kim now joins Michael, Tito, Janet, Latoya & Jermaine
let’s say she’s an honorary Jackson 5 member.
See the family resemblance!

Please let her be the first to get the boot
from dancing with the stars…Kim: dance lessons aren’t going to help!

Fashion week hit NYC and a flood of stars were around like
the fabulous Alicia Keys and the not so fabulous Kanye West.

Please lets stop buying his music to bring this guys ego back from planet Mork.

Video Alert:

Broke new edition members Ralph and Bobby were
performing at the Nokia theater in NYC when… old ass Bobby’s
back gives out. Maybe he should buy some Boniva.

‘Memba Sis Patterson from the I luv NY reality show?
‘Memba how churchy she was during the show…
Well I guess she’s got a new church called
“All On a White Boy’s Lap” Baptist Church

Raven Simone was spotted heading into a party for Katy Perry looking
like she just may enjoy kissing a girl (we need to get this woman a man fast!)

Folks have been giving Ne-Yo a really hard time because of his
Metro-sexiness. Well I have a tip for Ne-Yo:
If you want to avoid being called gay….
try not getting photo’d in a blond wig and think its cool!

And to wrap things here’s a hot ghetto mess moment…
If this is her back believe me I don’t want to see her front!
She really needs a “back bra” size DD!
DO YOU see those massive stretchmarks…come on girl!
I’ve heard of a six pack…but what she’s got is a half dozen rolls!

Posted in OMG | 4 Comments »

Monday, February 16, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I got the exclusive on the Brown/Rihanna story in the video clip at the
end of this post!!!

Everyone knows I’m a BlackBerry Addict, I may be
buying two more of the latest BBerry phones in the
next week or two. I started to think…
maybe I should get a BBerry cake this year for my Bday?

The 3rd one looks like hot chocolate crap that I
would never buy and if someone made it for me
I’d have to say “thanks, but no thanks”.

The 4th one was professionally done…
it looks like a winner!

For those of you with kids…
Do you fear the day your child walks up to you and asks
where does ______ come from?

If you filled in the blank with the word diarrhea
then this is the book for you!

Also Katie I’m sending you some NyQuil,
sorry to hear about your cold, but is it serious enough
to write a kids book about it!!

The weirdest thing I’ve seen all week is of something I
wasn’t able to get a picture of:
“Woman in the club with a back brace”

I’m not sure what her issue was that she needed to wear the brace
but since it was a white hard plastic brace it was quite noticeable.

It was sad in a way because everyone was crackin’ on her
(ok yeah I know I was too but I really felt bad after)

She had on one of these:

It’s really hard for a guy to step up to you at a club when
you have one of those on because he isn’t going to ask you to dance.
I was tipsy and I may have told a few women that night,
“If I put this Mandingo on you, you’re gonna need a back brace…
I’m not joking… ask Trina my date from last week standing right there”

Next..

Another thing Stop Bitching about your bills.
Just be glad you don’t get an electric bill like this every month:

Can you handle the cute?
I took this photo at the Ft. Worth Zoo
(damn a brother is nice with a camera!)

I drink lots of bottled spring water, but I don’t drink this brand!

Let’s be real… how damn lazy is this woman.

You know I had to get into all the Chris Brow/Rihanna beatdown:

Posted in Random | 3 Comments »

Friday, February 13, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

She’s originally from Brazil, damn I love that Country.

Woman from Texas has undergone nine breast enlargement
operations to become the proud owner of the
world’s largest breast implants — size 38KKK.

American doctors had refused to carry out any more operations
on Sheyla Hershey, 28, when her breasts were a staggering 34FFF,
but that didn’t stop her from going under the knife for the record breaking surgery.

“To me, big is beautiful. I don’t think I have anything to worry about,” the Houston-resident said.

Still determined to increase her bustline, Hershey jetted off to Brazil
where there are no limits on the size of implants. The surgery required a full gallon of silicone.

 Her British ex-boyfriend, who initially paid for her plastic surgery,
was dumped after he begged her to stop with the surgery.
“I loved him very much but I had to leave him to follow my dream,” she said.

WoW…!

Sooooo she lives in TX huh?
If I ever run into her I’m giving her some babies!!

Her boyfriend paid for what I will assume is about $40,000 in surgeries.
I may have to call her Anna Nicole Jr. She tricked on dude…no doubt about it.

I’d take that chick to court to repossess those tits I paid for.
I’d hire Dog the RACIST bounty hunter to get those twins back.

The next man won’t be enjoying the bags I paid for &
she won’t be making money off of them either!

But seriously we all know guys are sucka’s for ladies
blessed in the chest area.
It’s like kryptonite even to the great Mike Lowrey
I remember I dated a woman with G cups & the first time I saw them I
had this expression on my face

Posted in Southern, OMG | 2 Comments »

Thursday, February 12, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Here’s the Pics:

Amy Winehouse chillin in Brooklyn.

I’m not sure if I can hold it much longer…it’s 7:28!!

I wish I could fit this many women in my pool.
picture of the Miss Universe Beauty pageant ladies.

 Here’s the Vids:

This one is of a Chi-town dude ranting while
on the phone with a Comcast Cable service representative.

Since I love making fun of wacky church folks here’s one that an instant classic:
The action starts at the 2 minute and 30 second mark if you want to fast forward.
I’m sure the collection plate went directly to her drinking habit.

Posted in Random | No Comments »

Thursday, February 12, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Ok besides the fact that its like
70 degrees at night here there was a tornado.

Yup I’m getting used to the weather out here because the hair on the back of my neck
didn’t stand up during this one. I was more concerned about if the shingles on my roof
were ok. Not for safety but because my lazy ass would need to go to Home Depot and
buy a ladder.

Let me take you through what happened
(luckily my pond didn’t overflow from the rain and
my Koi fish are doing just fine, lol)

Here Fox is on 4 and I had this annoying ass guy screaming on tv
pointing to my house and telling me it was gonna blow away

When storms hit everything stops here even the
cops pull into the nearest place for shelter
(3 patrol cars sitting in a gas station)

If that wasn’t dramatic enough this chick tell us she’s fearing for her
life because this thing could whip off and turn into a missile
and kill everyone in the area…LOL

Then the station they tried to kill  me by dazzling me with lots of
colors and arrows about everything.

With a storm this big you think it would be on all stations….NOPE
just a banner here (someone always gotta be cryin on that show)

And here just some Angelina Jolie wannabe
with 14 kids and no job, psycho
she looks so damn demented…right!! (with her Collagen filled lips)
She needs to go to 125th street and get her hair done!

Hair Parted: I haven’t seen a split that big since Moses parted
the Red Sea in the 10 commandments
(or as I like to call them the just 2 more and I’ve broken them all rules)

Ya’ll know damn well I don’t even watch this channel:

Because I only watch my Jesus in High Definition!

Posted in OMG, AtHome | 2 Comments »

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Posted in Random | No Comments »

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Jack you should print this out and tape it to your wall at home & in your cube at work!
(and put a copy in your wallet)

• Never call ya boy, and just sit on the phone, and also if you can avoid it,
  never call while you’re laying down in the bed or couch. Never fix your boy a plate,
  let that biyatch get his own ish….You not that dudes woman.
• Never call a dude after midnight, unless its a life or death emergency.
• A chick is not worth losing your job. Ain’t a woman alive that looks better than a paycheck.
• It doesn’t matter what the song says. Don’t fall in love with strippers.
  They don’t like you. They like your money.
  Their favorite days are paydays and income tax season.
• If you’re riding in the car with ya boy. Make sure both of your arms
  are NOT on the arm rest in the middle at the same time.
  You possibly could touch elbows or hands, and that would be gay.
• If you call your boy, and he doesn’t answer the phone,
  when he finally does answer, don’t get mad and start crying like a girl,
  talking bout “why you didn’t call me back, why didn’t you answer your phone”.
  (unless someone is hurt or dead, or you need him to make up a lie to
  tell your girlfriend where you was at last night.)
• Never call a woman by the nickname another dude gave her.
• Never have a 3-some with a woman and another man.
  There is a one penis per room rule. Cause If any part of his penis touches
  you or if he touches you at all, you must kill everyone in the room.
• If ya boy pass out drunk on you couch or floor, don’t be trying to take
  that dude’s shoes and clothes off, and putting covers on him and ish…
  Especially me, just leave my shoes and shit on. I’ll be good.
• If someone accuses you of doing something gay or being gay and
  your comeback line is “you’re just insecure with your sexuality.”
  You’re a fag.
• If your boys are over, by no means will you EVER put in a pr0n flick
  and be like “Aye yall peep this…” that would be gay and you would
  be immediately buried up to your neck in sand and stoned.

Posted in PSA | 3 Comments »

Monday, February 9, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Before I begin, just a quick note…
A new edition of “4 My Peeps…” will be out sometime this week.
I’m working on some fire for this edition, lol I’m hoping on Wed.

What’s Up with Crazy_Ass Vanity license plates:

Then why are you driving a Ford Crown Vic if you aren’t!!
So the dog can have extra room.
Dude let me give you a tip,
no prostitute is going anywhere near that car.
(I don’t believe you, you cop)

Here’s Plumpdumpling’s vanity plate:
(Ohio insurance is too high so her car is registered in Wisconsin)

Here’s ThickCrust’s Plate:

If you see this car and plate…..

RUN MUTHA F#*kin’ RUN!!!

Sophie, change the plates on your car to this…
(only for about 3 -7 days every 28 days or so)

Here’s SexyRed’s Plate:

Here’s my Ex-Wife’s Plate:

Kokonut I had to put your plate up:

What’s on my plates you ask?
I’m Mike Lowrey…what else would I have

Send me an email if you want to see a video called,
“2 Girls 1 Mike Lowrey”
I cannot confirm or deny that I’m in the video
I cannot confirm or deny that I’ve ever been with two women
I can only confirm that someone with my likeness
may be in it

Here’s a guy from Jersey with this Plate….
(Name is being withheld, Adam wanna take a guess?)
(Hint it’s not Jack as he lives in WuTangLand)

Posted in rant, Random | 2 Comments »

Sunday, February 8, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I figured its been a week since ‘ole boy was ousted, so now I can poke fun

The (then) IL governor sent this question in
to Steve Ballmer at a Microsoft Conference last month

Posted in Random | No Comments »

Sunday, February 8, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I just realized that I forgot to post about it.
The state fair takes place every fall and isn’t the most exciting
event in the world but its fun enough.

Welcome to the Fair:

I get a lot of complaints that I don’t post enough pics
of Mike Lowrey so here’s one.
(ladies you can right click on the pic to save it,
then set it as your desktop background image)

In the car show pavillion here’s the engine of a ford F250 truck.

I’m giving Ford a break by not suing them,
’cause I copyrighted the term “Power Stroke” years ago
when I created one of my signature baby makin’ moves.

I also met Thickcrust’s Twin Brother there

There’s a ton of pics for me to look through and I’ll post a part2
with more photos.

Posted in Fun | No Comments »

Friday, February 6, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I can’t confirm or deny that I’m currently
or have ever been a pimp, playa, or hustler.

But…

If I was one of those titles named above and had many women across
the globe how would I keep up with so many women…

Easy I’d use software!

Once again I must stress the following:

• I can’t confirm or deny: That I’ve ever used this website
• I can’t confirm or deny: That I’ve ever been to this website
• I can’t confirm or deny: That I even know the url to this website
• I can’t confirm or deny: That I have an account with this website
• I can’t confirm or deny: That I have a platinum account with this website because of the number of women my account has listed
• I can’t confirm or deny: That I have so many in my account that the Feds have my BlackBerry tapped!

Posted in tech, OMG | 2 Comments »

Wednesday, February 4, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Posted in Random | No Comments »

Tuesday, February 3, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Some road signs near the University of Texas Austin
got hacked a few days ago…
…warning me about something I already expected about Texas!

Posted in OMG | No Comments »

Monday, February 2, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Read this entire post.
I’m telling you the vids are too damn funny to miss.

Let’s start off this week with a new Comix
I guess Mrs. Obama don’t play dat!

T.I. has gone toooooooo far….unless you’re thickcrust.
Who was probably in the front row trying to catch this shirt!
In a recent appearance, TI takes his shirt…rubs it all over his nutz
and throws it into the crowd for some unlucky fan.
(Plumpdumpling is that your hand??? I’m tellin Kamran!)

I think Alicia Keys, Ashanti and Rihanna are hot but let one of those
chicks… rub a garment through her labia and then throw it at me!!!!
I’m gonna have an attitude. A major one!!

Next up is Aretha singing at the inauguration

Aretha’s hat has turned into an overnight sensation!!!
Everyone has been spotted wearing it:

I think it was the cause of the plane going down in the Hudson:

Even my boy has been seen wearing it (West Siiyyeeed 4 Life):

Rick Ross is a gansta rapper that was outed by the smoking gun
as a former corrections officer not the mobster he claims in his lyrics.
I know all rappers lie but a corrections officer??
What’s next, maybe an Obama Album featuring Kels & Weezy!
The hot item is that Lil’ Wayne dissed 50 cent in a recent track and most recently
Rick Ross dissed 50 in a song. So you know what’s coming now…
50 cent vowed to crush your music career Mr. Ross…now you done did it!
Fitty decided to start with some humor about
the correctional officer turned gangster rapper…

(Ross is too ugly so I didn’t dare post a picture of him.)

Obama Music Vid of the Day:

Everyone knows that I help young single ladies (sometimes not so single)
make through College or Medical School.
My gift to the world is that I give to these fine young respectable
ladies till I’m out of Marijuana, Hennessy and Xtacy I can give no more.
(I give them so much love that I’m sure I’m going to heaven cause of it!!)

So these next blooper clips are dedicated to those ladies.
Keep practicing, it takes time… I have singles…plenty of them.

But please leave it to the professional College girls…
just because a drunk boyfriend said you would be great at it
doesn’t mean you should really try it.

These vids contain no nudity, plenty of panties though.

Seriously… leave it to the women who know what they are doing.

Posted in Random | 5 Comments »

Sunday, February 1, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Louis Vuitton is releasing the Kanye West Series of sneakers.
Kanye has been glowing about it for days now.
Now he needs to have two hotel rooms everywhere he goes…
1 for himself & the other for his ego. Damn I really didn’t think
his head could get any damn bigger than it already was!

But anyway here are the new Kanye Louis:
(Are they hot or not…?)
I don’t know the pricing but its Louis so I’m guessing $1000

If your budget can’t handle the price tag on the Kanye Louis then maybe
the new Nike AirMax 95 due in March may be more your style at $150

Or the New Air Griffey 24 for $140 in April
or you can get them for $250 now from select locations

Posted in Random | No Comments »