Monday, July 20, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Do you know who this is?
Yes, this is Morpheus.

This is your last chance. (choose a pill by clicking on it)
After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.

Or….

You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I’ll show you just how deep the rabbit-hole goes

(Welcome to the next generation)

Posted in OMG | 3 Comments »

Thursday, July 16, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

That’s Michael Steele’s new slogan to get people to join the republican party.

That and the fact that he said  I’ve got the fried chicken and potato salad makes me cringe.

This guy tries tooo hard to act Black. He seems to think that acting Black means to act hood.
I’ll be the first to admit that Black folks damn near have a monopoly on acting Hood.
But to act Hood isn’t acting Black..it’s just acting Ignant.

And if he says another Hip-Hop term like Bling…Bling again I WILL STAB him in the neck with a Spork!

Posted in Random | 2 Comments »

Thursday, July 16, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

It seems that a factory worker has discovered a new way to die…

By Falling into a VAT of Chocolate.

Soooooooo…….a chocolate Mu Fugga dies in chocolate tub. I can’t even make Shyt like this up folks.

Yeah…Yeah…you’ve told me a million times already…. I’m going to Hell for this one!

(video not working for FFox users, it’s displayed as a white box but works fine for IE users…sorry)

CAMDEN, N.J. - A man who prayed for a job for weeks dies in a tragic accident at a chocolate factory in Camden, N.J.
Police were called to a warehouse and manufacturing facility on the 700 block of North 36th Street around 10:45 a.m. Wednesday for a report of a man who had fallen into hot chocolate.The Camden County prosecutor’s office identified the victim as 29-year-old Vincent Smith II of Camden. He was a temporary worker at the Cocoa Services Inc. plant.Smith was loading chunks of raw chocolate into a melting tank, but he slipped and fell into the tank.Co-workers shut off the valve and tried to reach him, but failed.The moral of this story is that you dumb asses that are running around praying for Shyt like crazy need to stop.
White Jesus is busy catering to me and doesn’t need your ignant ass prayers distracting him
You dumb asses that are praying for Shyt like extra biscuits, husband/boyfriend, or a car need to beware.

Cuz your dumb ass is like to to choke to death on that extra biscuit, get beat to death by hubby, or drive that car off a fuggin cliff.

I know this is a sad time for the family but, WTF is up with his relative with the huge ass shades asking I need to know what happened?
His ass died in chocolate that’s what happened…what part wasn’t you clear about.
He FELL. The end. Can I help your ignant ass with any other questions?

Damn dude wasn’t even getting benefits cuz he was temp. Shyt if I can die at some Shyt I’m at least getting life insurance from them and overtime.

Let’s be real for a second….Anyone else think that this dude ain’t fall and actually jumped his big ass in to eat the chocolate.
(Yeah…Yeah.. Imma burn in hell, you sound like a broken record …for the younger generation or a scratched CD)

But in any case I’m not eating chocolate for fear of find little niblets of this dude in my snickers bar.

This guy tried to jump in and save him…

He gets mad props for trying to save dude.

But unlike Thickcrust… I ain’t eating any melted chocolate that touched this guy.

Posted in Food, OMG | 1 Comment »

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I never knew this but I’ve been helping women sleep better  for years.
I was years ahead of the medical community on this one.

Hell….I’ve been Kush’in women since I was a teenager!!!!
I know plenty of women who have a lace sack near their nightstand, but a Kush damn sure ain’t in it.

Posted in PeopleHumor, OMG | 2 Comments »

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Submitted by Alex Jones (The best IT Mgr ever… next to me of course):

(Click on image for larger size picture)

And you thought playing videogames was a waste of time! The guys over at MarioMarathon are currently holding a live session, playing through all of the main entries in the Mario series to raise money for charity. They began Monday morning with the original Super Mario Bros. and will continue throughout the weekend.

This is their second Mario Marathon. Last June they raised over $11,600 over a three day period, and they’re looking to top that this year.

You can watch the action live via webstream.
I am LOVING the Mario wall deco…A Must have for every game room!!!

Posted in tech, Random | No Comments »

Monday, July 13, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Ok, I know some folks are gonna say I’m on that Shyt again.
but seriously I made my first skin bleaching appointment for next week.

And………………………………………………………Go:

• So none of you dudes are remotely straight huh?
• I guess Coonery, Shuckin’, Jivin’ and  TomFoolery is cool to today’s Black youth…
• I’m thinking MickeyD’s should change the golden arches to a rainbow
• This is yet another reason why I don’t go to church
• Riddle: Why does it take women so long to realize that guy they have been dating is actually a gay singing buffoon
• I think the 400 pound cameraman caught the Holy Ghost and started shouting half way through the song
• I seriously doubt this Shyt will win an American Music Award

I’m thinking MickeyD’s is starting to become racist in a way so I called up my boy whose an investigator to look into this Shyt and he uncovered some shocking info…

He loves chicken way too damn much…and if he whips out a slice of watermelon Imma have to pop a cap in his coon ass.

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, Food, Random | 1 Comment »

Friday, July 10, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

No One!!!
Don’t you ever forget that.

I’m hot like a man that’s standing on the Sun…

Posted in Random | 2 Comments »

Friday, July 10, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

This is a story about a high school teacher and some home made porn, but reminded me of my school daze.

I went to an all boys High School and I can remember I had this hot little White teacher that I had it real Bad for
[I mean Michael Jackson Bad]

I used to clean her classroom every day just to catch some extra time with her.
She used to wear those cue ass little skirts and teacher glasses.
Lol. She was pretty small too she had to be like 5 foot 4 and 120lbs

I every damn day I;d have the same daydream of putting her on her desk and workin’ that ass.

That was my high school  musical!

But back to the story….

ELK GROVE, Calif. (AP) - A Northern California elementary school teacher sent her students home for the summer with a video of class memories, only the DVD included six seconds of her having sex on a couch.

Officials at the Elk Grove Unified School District asked families of the teacher’s 24 students to get rid of the DVD after the unintended clip was found spliced in a scene where children were sharing stories in class.

“Just destroy them,” said spokeswoman Torrey Johnson.

Johnson said the teacher, whose name isn’t being released, sent the DVD home with her students from Isabelle Jackson Elementary on the last day of class Friday. She learned of the mistake after a parent called her. She then called all the parents to ask them to destroy the DVD.

The school district, located just south of Sacramento, initially sent a letter home to parents asking them to return the DVDs, but then asked parents to simply destroy them.

YOU KNOW DAMN WELL!!!

That each and every one of the Dads made a quick copy or ripped it to their hard drives before destroying the original.
Now on parent-teacher day…Dads all show up.

Posted in Random | 1 Comment »

Friday, July 10, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

The word is that Nikia and Krystle are saving up to get the new Mr. PotatoHead Nikes when they drop.
While Muriel is still trying to decide if she’ll get a pair for her and Rae.

Thanks to Thickcrust for sending this in.

Damnit…you may as well plant a sign in the front yard that says Negroes live here.

Thanks to Passion for sending this in.

Posted in Random | 2 Comments »

Thursday, July 9, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

It seems that Keyshia’s mom Frankie landed a TV deal with BET (of course) for a reality show.
Now that Frankie has her own money it seems that she stays on a crack high all day every day.

I’m sure this show will be a train wreck that we all can’t help but be glued to the TV and watch.

Here’s some of her recent photos:

Here she is showing off her recent tattoo

How do I know she’s a crackhead? look at the dirt bums she’s photo’d with:
The dude on the left looks like he smells like Old English and Fried Bologna.
The dude on the Right has extensions for 2 long ass braids and a 4 finger brass or iron ring.
In his defense the ring could also be .4 kt gold

Here she is tongue kissing a dog

I’m sure hoping this girl is one of her kids. Otherwise this tat ain’t cute at all!
I’m sure none of her kids knows who their father is.

Notice the empty bottle of Henny on the table of the tattoo artist.

Posted in Random | 1 Comment »

Thursday, July 9, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

UPDATE…

This has been confirmed by her publicist as false and she will be appearing at Great Adventures NJ to perform as scheduled.

The latest thing to hit the streets over the past 24 hrs has been the buzz about Mz Raven Symone.

Raven and Jussie

The rumor is that she has bad a baby in an ATL hospital and the pops is Jussie Smollett.

Lily

Another rumor is that Jussie has lots of sugar in his tank….Damn Raven is that the best you could do?
And from the looks of that pic above and the fact that five of my teeth ache when I look at it.. the rumor could very well be true.

Mango…I need an update what’s the word on the streets over there??

Posted in CelebStuff, OMG | 5 Comments »

Tuesday, July 7, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I can’t even Fuggin blink without ya’ll doing some dumb Shyt!
White Jesus please…please make this Shyt stop.

We can’t really be this Ignant as a people.
This is straight Fuggin Dumb Ass Behavior.

This story takes place in New Mexico in which two brothers didn’t want to clean their room and got smart with their pops, then jumped him.

Nah man this story ain’t over yet….Soooo how old do you think these highly intelligent Black men were?

Believe it or not they were 22 & 29 years old.
But Wait the Fuggin story ain’t over…

Now in order to stop his grown ass kids from jumping him; the pops bust out his revolver and let off a round or two.

Every time I pray that it can’t get any worse; ya’ll just shatter that damn hope.
What?? You said you don’t believe me…Here’s the news clip

.
And……………………………………..GO

• Were these Mu Fuggers retarded or something and needed some assisted living type of Shyt cuz at 22 and 29 these Ni99as should have been out their parents house by now
• You would think 2 grown ass guys could Fuggin make up the bunk beds, put up their G.I.Joes and pick up their nasty stink ass clothes from in the middle of the floor
• And to the pops…WTF?? You missed!!!  I love my child but if she was living in my house at 29 (which would only happen if I lived in the twilight zone) and tried to jump me with her crew; I’d put a cap up in that ass. Let’s call it self defense.

Read the story below:

Police said a 71-year-old New Mexico man fired a gun when his two adult sons refused to clean the stove.
On Monday evening, police say the father, Sammy Shannon, pulled a .38 revolver and fired at his sons after an argument about chores.

Shannon doesn’t dispute that he fired the gun. He says it’s his form of discipline. The father says all he asked of his 22 and 29-year-old sons, who live with their parents, was to do their chores.

“They didn’t want to, so they got smart,” Shannon said.

That’s when things got physical.

“Both of them jumped on me, they knocked me down, got my arm all swolled up,” he said.

A police report says the sons jumped Shannon after he hit one of them. Then the men pinned their father down until their mother ordered them to let him up.Shannon says he then decided to use his own brand of discipline. “I’ll even it up! I went and got my gun,” he said.

Shannon admits he fired his .38, but says he didn’t aim it at his sons and would never actually shoot them.

His sons told police they didn’t see where their father was shooting,they just started running when he started pointing the gun their way.

Shannon says his kids can still live with him, but they have to follow his rules.

“I can’t feed you every day, every night, take you where you want to go, send you to college and just come here, lay up and play video games all day,” he said.

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, OMG | No Comments »

Monday, July 6, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

This story reminds me of a time a while back when I dated a White girl on the upper west side of Manhattan in a posh apt building ($1 million plus).
I was always scared because I was probably the only Black man in a 4 block radius.
Plus her door man always looked at me funny as we would pass him at 2am in a crunktastical and horny bliss coming in from bars.

I was terrified that while giving her what I then affectionately termed “The Mandingo” that the noise could be misinterpreted by her doorman or neighbors.

It’s called The Mandingo mostly because of the way I just attack it like a wild jungle beast while making lots of growling noises; leading to many scratches on my back and bite marks all over her body.

Basically when put that Mandingo on her she should start going wild and screaming pretty loud.

America has come a long way racially but not that far.
If a White woman is screaming in her upscale hood; in her bedroom and a Black man is in the room…I can envision many scenarios where this doesn’t go down too well with NYPD.

Now here’s a similar story about the same type of thing (not racially motivated but the result is still the same)

HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) - A 16-year-old girl thought she heard her mother being assaulted by her boyfriend and rounded up some friends who beat him up, only to learn later that the couple actually were having sex, the woman and police said. The girl misinterpreted the woman’s amorous screams, and she and four other teens went to the woman’s bedroom in the Torrington home on June 6, police Lt. Bruce Whiteley said Thursday.

One of the teens beat the 25-year-old man with a bat and others punched him, police said. He suffered a black eye and several bruises.

The girl, two 17-year-old boys and Dilyen Langdeau, 19, of Torrington, were arrested Tuesday night and arraigned in Bantam Superior Court on Wednesday. Langdeau was charged with assault and conspiracy; the teens face similar counts. The fifth teenager was not charged.

A judge sealed the police report. The names of the girl and the two boys were not released because of their ages.

The 34-year-old woman, Melanie Arnold, told The Associated Press on Thursday that the girl is her daughter. Arnold denied she was screaming, and said her daughter thought she heard a slap and believed an assault was happening.

“Instead of asking what was going on, they assumed and took matters into their own hands,” Arnold said. “Now they have to learn a lesson.”

The teens knocked on the bedroom door and Arnold opened it, according to the couple, who recently broke up.

The teens rushed into the room and the man, Roger Swanson, said he didn’t have a chance to explain himself. He said he tried to get away, but the teens chased him down and started beating him in the house.

He said he knelt down over a chair and tried to protect his face, but got hit in the eye and in the back. He said Arnold covered his back to try to protect him, but the teen with the bat started hitting him in the legs. Then the youths left.

[NewsSource]

Hell of a price to pay for some Ass.
But I’m sure that since dude didn’t loose any teeth, blood, testicles or limbs he would gladly do it again for some hot sex.

Anyway what do you expect a guy to do if she was a hot MILF?
The daughter was like 16; you know he had to get it on with someone who knew what they were doing cuz he’s damn near 30.

Posted in OMG | No Comments »

Monday, July 6, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

If you check the time stamp on my original post, I scooped this story before 95% of news outlets.
I Was 100%  Correct On what I said was the reason for his death!!!

It seems that NFL QB Steve McNair’s (36 yrs old), was killed by four bullets fired at close range, two of which hit him in the head, and ruled his death a homicide has been confirmed by Nashville PD.

The woman laying dead next to him (His lover), Sahel Kazemi, (20 yrs old) died of a single gunshot from the same semiautomatic found on the floor under her body.

Police are running gun trace tests and we can predict that it will be ruled a murder suicide!

Here’s the shocker…

Yup he’s married!

The wife of slain quarterback Steve McNair only learned about the gridiron star’s affair with a gorgeous young woman after the clandestine couple’s grisly deaths. Mechelle and Steve McNair lived about 6 miles from his condo loveshack with Sahel.

My heart goes out to the McNair family.

But….(You know this wouldn’t be a Mike Lowrey post without a but…)

I can see why dude was getting it on with a sexy ass 20 year old.

Seriously fellas take my lead on this one…

Those young ones are HOT like Fuggin Lava sauce from Taco Bell but you have to leave those crazy ass Bytches ALONE.
Yes I know they have the craziest bodies…believe me I know!
Hell even the great Mike Lowrey relapses sometimes but it’s rare!

Now, Leave em alone until their brains fully develop.

Ever wonder why dudes will end up with a crazy chick?

I would say 15% of the time it’s because they are Dumb Asses that enjoy the craziness.
And 85% of the time it’s either the chick has a bangin ass body and dude ain’t tryna leave a chick with a bad ass body or she’s putting it down in the bedroom, I mean she’s wearing a number 23 Bulls jersey!!

It’s like even though a dude knows his life is at stake it won’t matter the sex is just that good.

Soooo.

Ladies over 30, step yo’ game up so we don’t have to risk our lives with crazy ass 19-23 yr olds.

Posted in CelebStuff, OMG | 1 Comment »

Saturday, July 4, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Well…. Um.
Although it would be one hell of a light show…maybe we can celebrate in a slightly different way.

Posted in Random | No Comments »

Saturday, July 4, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Dear White Jesus,
Please stop taking our good Black role models.
Take folks that Coonish rappers like Jay Z , Diddy, Soulja Boy or Plies.

I mean just look at  Souljaboy

and Plies:

Please take them White Jesus and not our good folks.

NFL Ten Titans QB Steve McNair was found shot to death at a condo in Nashville an hour ago.

N ashville police spokesman Don Aaron confirmed that authorities were called to a condominium and found McNair and a woman shot to death inside. Aaron said police don’t yet know the circumstances of the shooting.

I think this may turn out to be some love triangle type of Shyt.went
If a dude gets shot in the head and with a woman’s body next to him usually means it’s about some crazy, deranged, jealousy type of Shiznit.

Steve seemed like a real class act and will be missed.
He was one of only a few Black QB’s currently in the NFL.

In other weekend news

Former Repuclican  Vice President Nominee and Current Alaska Governor
Sarah Palin announced that she will be resigning as Governor at the end of this month.

We know that this won’t be the last we hear from her being that she’s already started her committee to run for Persident in 2012.

Posted in CelebStuff, OMG | No Comments »

Saturday, July 4, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Caution..do not drink while reading this post, it could cause your drink to squirt out of your nose!

In Case of Fire…

Um….Yeah,  I guess I should have read this sign before I left Amira parked in front of this store

Best Sign Evah!!!

Damn man sorry, that promotion is no longer available…

Dude…sit the Fugg back!
You must be blocking my window because I can’t see Shyt out of my rear view mirror

Parking is fun

And this guy was elected president not once…but twice??
Hey Buddy, your flag is just like you….”ass backwards”!

In Black households we treat and train our pets differently than our White counterparts…
well mostly because we beat the Shyt out of our animals and won’t feed them if they Fugg up.

Here’s a pic of my dog.
My exact words to it were, “Mutha Fugga if you don’t sit your dumb ass down, I will pick up this frying pan and knock the Shyt outta you.”

And i guess the dog took me seriously …and literally because he just sat he Fugg down.

I guess that Bytch learned from the last time I had to head check it with that frying pan.

Don’t you dare pee on this Mu Fuggers property.
Unless you have a bucket of ice and a sewing kit…don’t you see the sign!

Don’t you want a cold can of Beer Taste?

You know what else tastes just like beer? Try Beer.

Ok, I know ya’ll gonna say I’m wrong for this one but I can’t help myself.
Here’s a dumpster from the hood, or a trailer park.

Have you ever heard of a pro-life dumpster?
Better yet, maybe you aren’t in the best of neighborhoods.

To all my single moms out there please check your child’s homework before they turn it in…

Here’s the Mother’s Day gift that keeps on giving…

I hate it when I get hammered, then try to get to 3rd base with every flounder in the ocean while I’m drowning.

I only stay at Holiday Inns when I go hiking in Appalachia

No Shyt Sherlock! Thanks for clearing up this enigma.

See, I beg to differ. The way I see it… the sign IS actually in use.

Posted in Random | 1 Comment »

Thursday, July 2, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I wonder what this 2 year old was doing before he lit up?
I will boycott Mr. Chow and PF Chang if this 2 yr old was having sex!!
I support 2 yr olds smoking and drinking but not having sex (does that make me a Republican?)

I know I will sometimes light up a cig when I’m tipsy like a Mu Fugga or if I “beat it up” real good
with one or more of the ladies in Mike Lowrey’s Fans Club.
(Don’t get it twisted…I’ll smoke some of that purple green anytime, lol)

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, OMG | No Comments »

Wednesday, July 1, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Now I’m all into supporting gay rights but sometimes folks can take this rainbow Shyt too far!

Beyonce’s sister Solange performed in San Fran this past week at a Gay & Lesb event.

This outfit should be doused with gasoline and someone flick a match at it.

Recently up in the liquor store I saw something new

I am glad that companies are advertising to the gay and lesb community, it means that their voice is getting stronger in our society.

But I’m 100% on this….I’m not tryna be seen buying this gay Shyt.
It’s cool and all but
I mean I’ll buy a fruit flavored vodka, but ‘m not buying fruity vodka.
I’m sure by now my fruity BFF Thickcrust has purchased an entire case of this new vodka.

Posted in Random | No Comments »

Monday, June 29, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Be careful…Or you just could get a foot in your ass or worse, stabbed in the neck.

Sophie, what’s up with Negroes in FL?

NORTH LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) - Florida officials say one passenger chased another down the aisle of a county bus during a fight over news of Michael Jackson’s death.

The Broward County Sheriff’s Office says 54-year-old Henry Wideman was released Saturday on $5,000 bond on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. A phone number for him rang unanswered.

According to a release from the sheriff’s office, 60-year-old James Kiernan announced news of the pop singer’s death on a bus Thursday night. The driver, who wasn’t identified, said Jackson should have been jailed long ago.

The sheriff’s office says Wideman got angry when Kiernan responded that the world just lost a great musical talent.

Wideman allegedly shouted profanities and threats at Kiernan and chased him with a knife. Kiernan wasn’t hurt.

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, OMG | No Comments »