Monday, July 20, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Do you know who this is?
Yes, this is Morpheus.

This is your last chance. (choose a pill by clicking on it)
After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.

Or….

You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I’ll show you just how deep the rabbit-hole goes

(Welcome to the next generation)

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Thursday, July 16, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

It seems that a factory worker has discovered a new way to die…

By Falling into a VAT of Chocolate.

Soooooooo…….a chocolate Mu Fugga dies in chocolate tub. I can’t even make Shyt like this up folks.

Yeah…Yeah…you’ve told me a million times already…. I’m going to Hell for this one!

(video not working for FFox users, it’s displayed as a white box but works fine for IE users…sorry)

CAMDEN, N.J. - A man who prayed for a job for weeks dies in a tragic accident at a chocolate factory in Camden, N.J.
Police were called to a warehouse and manufacturing facility on the 700 block of North 36th Street around 10:45 a.m. Wednesday for a report of a man who had fallen into hot chocolate.The Camden County prosecutor’s office identified the victim as 29-year-old Vincent Smith II of Camden. He was a temporary worker at the Cocoa Services Inc. plant.Smith was loading chunks of raw chocolate into a melting tank, but he slipped and fell into the tank.Co-workers shut off the valve and tried to reach him, but failed.The moral of this story is that you dumb asses that are running around praying for Shyt like crazy need to stop.
White Jesus is busy catering to me and doesn’t need your ignant ass prayers distracting him
You dumb asses that are praying for Shyt like extra biscuits, husband/boyfriend, or a car need to beware.

Cuz your dumb ass is like to to choke to death on that extra biscuit, get beat to death by hubby, or drive that car off a fuggin cliff.

I know this is a sad time for the family but, WTF is up with his relative with the huge ass shades asking I need to know what happened?
His ass died in chocolate that’s what happened…what part wasn’t you clear about.
He FELL. The end. Can I help your ignant ass with any other questions?

Damn dude wasn’t even getting benefits cuz he was temp. Shyt if I can die at some Shyt I’m at least getting life insurance from them and overtime.

Let’s be real for a second….Anyone else think that this dude ain’t fall and actually jumped his big ass in to eat the chocolate.
(Yeah…Yeah.. Imma burn in hell, you sound like a broken record …for the younger generation or a scratched CD)

But in any case I’m not eating chocolate for fear of find little niblets of this dude in my snickers bar.

This guy tried to jump in and save him…

He gets mad props for trying to save dude.

But unlike Thickcrust… I ain’t eating any melted chocolate that touched this guy.

Posted in Food, OMG | 1 Comment »

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I never knew this but I’ve been helping women sleep better  for years.
I was years ahead of the medical community on this one.

Hell….I’ve been Kush’in women since I was a teenager!!!!
I know plenty of women who have a lace sack near their nightstand, but a Kush damn sure ain’t in it.

Posted in PeopleHumor, OMG | 1 Comment »

Thursday, July 9, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

UPDATE…

This has been confirmed by her publicist as false and she will be appearing at Great Adventures NJ to perform as scheduled.

The latest thing to hit the streets over the past 24 hrs has been the buzz about Mz Raven Symone.

Raven and Jussie

The rumor is that she has bad a baby in an ATL hospital and the pops is Jussie Smollett.

Lily

Another rumor is that Jussie has lots of sugar in his tank….Damn Raven is that the best you could do?
And from the looks of that pic above and the fact that five of my teeth ache when I look at it.. the rumor could very well be true.

Mango…I need an update what’s the word on the streets over there??

Posted in CelebStuff, OMG | 5 Comments »

Tuesday, July 7, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I can’t even Fuggin blink without ya’ll doing some dumb Shyt!
White Jesus please…please make this Shyt stop.

We can’t really be this Ignant as a people.
This is straight Fuggin Dumb Ass Behavior.

This story takes place in New Mexico in which two brothers didn’t want to clean their room and got smart with their pops, then jumped him.

Nah man this story ain’t over yet….Soooo how old do you think these highly intelligent Black men were?

Believe it or not they were 22 & 29 years old.
But Wait the Fuggin story ain’t over…

Now in order to stop his grown ass kids from jumping him; the pops bust out his revolver and let off a round or two.

Every time I pray that it can’t get any worse; ya’ll just shatter that damn hope.
What?? You said you don’t believe me…Here’s the news clip

.
And……………………………………..GO

• Were these Mu Fuggers retarded or something and needed some assisted living type of Shyt cuz at 22 and 29 these Ni99as should have been out their parents house by now
• You would think 2 grown ass guys could Fuggin make up the bunk beds, put up their G.I.Joes and pick up their nasty stink ass clothes from in the middle of the floor
• And to the pops…WTF?? You missed!!!  I love my child but if she was living in my house at 29 (which would only happen if I lived in the twilight zone) and tried to jump me with her crew; I’d put a cap up in that ass. Let’s call it self defense.

Read the story below:

Police said a 71-year-old New Mexico man fired a gun when his two adult sons refused to clean the stove.
On Monday evening, police say the father, Sammy Shannon, pulled a .38 revolver and fired at his sons after an argument about chores.

Shannon doesn’t dispute that he fired the gun. He says it’s his form of discipline. The father says all he asked of his 22 and 29-year-old sons, who live with their parents, was to do their chores.

“They didn’t want to, so they got smart,” Shannon said.

That’s when things got physical.

“Both of them jumped on me, they knocked me down, got my arm all swolled up,” he said.

A police report says the sons jumped Shannon after he hit one of them. Then the men pinned their father down until their mother ordered them to let him up.Shannon says he then decided to use his own brand of discipline. “I’ll even it up! I went and got my gun,” he said.

Shannon admits he fired his .38, but says he didn’t aim it at his sons and would never actually shoot them.

His sons told police they didn’t see where their father was shooting,they just started running when he started pointing the gun their way.

Shannon says his kids can still live with him, but they have to follow his rules.

“I can’t feed you every day, every night, take you where you want to go, send you to college and just come here, lay up and play video games all day,” he said.

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, OMG | No Comments »

Monday, July 6, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

This story reminds me of a time a while back when I dated a White girl on the upper west side of Manhattan in a posh apt building ($1 million plus).
I was always scared because I was probably the only Black man in a 4 block radius.
Plus her door man always looked at me funny as we would pass him at 2am in a crunktastical and horny bliss coming in from bars.

I was terrified that while giving her what I then affectionately termed “The Mandingo” that the noise could be misinterpreted by her doorman or neighbors.

It’s called The Mandingo mostly because of the way I just attack it like a wild jungle beast while making lots of growling noises; leading to many scratches on my back and bite marks all over her body.

Basically when put that Mandingo on her she should start going wild and screaming pretty loud.

America has come a long way racially but not that far.
If a White woman is screaming in her upscale hood; in her bedroom and a Black man is in the room…I can envision many scenarios where this doesn’t go down too well with NYPD.

Now here’s a similar story about the same type of thing (not racially motivated but the result is still the same)

HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) - A 16-year-old girl thought she heard her mother being assaulted by her boyfriend and rounded up some friends who beat him up, only to learn later that the couple actually were having sex, the woman and police said. The girl misinterpreted the woman’s amorous screams, and she and four other teens went to the woman’s bedroom in the Torrington home on June 6, police Lt. Bruce Whiteley said Thursday.

One of the teens beat the 25-year-old man with a bat and others punched him, police said. He suffered a black eye and several bruises.

The girl, two 17-year-old boys and Dilyen Langdeau, 19, of Torrington, were arrested Tuesday night and arraigned in Bantam Superior Court on Wednesday. Langdeau was charged with assault and conspiracy; the teens face similar counts. The fifth teenager was not charged.

A judge sealed the police report. The names of the girl and the two boys were not released because of their ages.

The 34-year-old woman, Melanie Arnold, told The Associated Press on Thursday that the girl is her daughter. Arnold denied she was screaming, and said her daughter thought she heard a slap and believed an assault was happening.

“Instead of asking what was going on, they assumed and took matters into their own hands,” Arnold said. “Now they have to learn a lesson.”

The teens knocked on the bedroom door and Arnold opened it, according to the couple, who recently broke up.

The teens rushed into the room and the man, Roger Swanson, said he didn’t have a chance to explain himself. He said he tried to get away, but the teens chased him down and started beating him in the house.

He said he knelt down over a chair and tried to protect his face, but got hit in the eye and in the back. He said Arnold covered his back to try to protect him, but the teen with the bat started hitting him in the legs. Then the youths left.

[NewsSource]

Hell of a price to pay for some Ass.
But I’m sure that since dude didn’t loose any teeth, blood, testicles or limbs he would gladly do it again for some hot sex.

Anyway what do you expect a guy to do if she was a hot MILF?
The daughter was like 16; you know he had to get it on with someone who knew what they were doing cuz he’s damn near 30.

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Monday, July 6, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

If you check the time stamp on my original post, I scooped this story before 95% of news outlets.
I Was 100%  Correct On what I said was the reason for his death!!!

It seems that NFL QB Steve McNair’s (36 yrs old), was killed by four bullets fired at close range, two of which hit him in the head, and ruled his death a homicide has been confirmed by Nashville PD.

The woman laying dead next to him (His lover), Sahel Kazemi, (20 yrs old) died of a single gunshot from the same semiautomatic found on the floor under her body.

Police are running gun trace tests and we can predict that it will be ruled a murder suicide!

Here’s the shocker…

Yup he’s married!

The wife of slain quarterback Steve McNair only learned about the gridiron star’s affair with a gorgeous young woman after the clandestine couple’s grisly deaths. Mechelle and Steve McNair lived about 6 miles from his condo loveshack with Sahel.

My heart goes out to the McNair family.

But….(You know this wouldn’t be a Mike Lowrey post without a but…)

I can see why dude was getting it on with a sexy ass 20 year old.

Seriously fellas take my lead on this one…

Those young ones are HOT like Fuggin Lava sauce from Taco Bell but you have to leave those crazy ass Bytches ALONE.
Yes I know they have the craziest bodies…believe me I know!
Hell even the great Mike Lowrey relapses sometimes but it’s rare!

Now, Leave em alone until their brains fully develop.

Ever wonder why dudes will end up with a crazy chick?

I would say 15% of the time it’s because they are Dumb Asses that enjoy the craziness.
And 85% of the time it’s either the chick has a bangin ass body and dude ain’t tryna leave a chick with a bad ass body or she’s putting it down in the bedroom, I mean she’s wearing a number 23 Bulls jersey!!

It’s like even though a dude knows his life is at stake it won’t matter the sex is just that good.

Soooo.

Ladies over 30, step yo’ game up so we don’t have to risk our lives with crazy ass 19-23 yr olds.

Posted in CelebStuff, OMG | 1 Comment »

Saturday, July 4, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Dear White Jesus,
Please stop taking our good Black role models.
Take folks that Coonish rappers like Jay Z , Diddy, Soulja Boy or Plies.

I mean just look at  Souljaboy

and Plies:

Please take them White Jesus and not our good folks.

NFL Ten Titans QB Steve McNair was found shot to death at a condo in Nashville an hour ago.

N ashville police spokesman Don Aaron confirmed that authorities were called to a condominium and found McNair and a woman shot to death inside. Aaron said police don’t yet know the circumstances of the shooting.

I think this may turn out to be some love triangle type of Shyt.went
If a dude gets shot in the head and with a woman’s body next to him usually means it’s about some crazy, deranged, jealousy type of Shiznit.

Steve seemed like a real class act and will be missed.
He was one of only a few Black QB’s currently in the NFL.

In other weekend news

Former Repuclican  Vice President Nominee and Current Alaska Governor
Sarah Palin announced that she will be resigning as Governor at the end of this month.

We know that this won’t be the last we hear from her being that she’s already started her committee to run for Persident in 2012.

Posted in CelebStuff, OMG | No Comments »

Thursday, July 2, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I wonder what this 2 year old was doing before he lit up?
I will boycott Mr. Chow and PF Chang if this 2 yr old was having sex!!
I support 2 yr olds smoking and drinking but not having sex (does that make me a Republican?)

I know I will sometimes light up a cig when I’m tipsy like a Mu Fugga or if I “beat it up” real good
with one or more of the ladies in Mike Lowrey’s Fans Club.
(Don’t get it twisted…I’ll smoke some of that purple green anytime, lol)

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, OMG | No Comments »

Monday, June 29, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Be careful…Or you just could get a foot in your ass or worse, stabbed in the neck.

Sophie, what’s up with Negroes in FL?

NORTH LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) - Florida officials say one passenger chased another down the aisle of a county bus during a fight over news of Michael Jackson’s death.

The Broward County Sheriff’s Office says 54-year-old Henry Wideman was released Saturday on $5,000 bond on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. A phone number for him rang unanswered.

According to a release from the sheriff’s office, 60-year-old James Kiernan announced news of the pop singer’s death on a bus Thursday night. The driver, who wasn’t identified, said Jackson should have been jailed long ago.

The sheriff’s office says Wideman got angry when Kiernan responded that the world just lost a great musical talent.

Wideman allegedly shouted profanities and threats at Kiernan and chased him with a knife. Kiernan wasn’t hurt.

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, OMG | No Comments »

Monday, June 29, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Here’s a story that should inspire young people who have nothing and should be a kick in the ass/face and back for those young folks who do have a little bit and are wasting their opportunity.

Jefferson High School student Khadijah Williams, 18, looks for friends to sign her yearbook. Williams has been homeless her whole life but through hard work and perseverance, she was accepted to Harvard University in the fall.

Khadijah Williams stepped into chemistry class and instantly tuned out the commotion.

She walked past students laughing, gossiping, napping and combing one another’s hair. Past a cellphone blaring rap songs. And past a substitute teacher sitting in a near-daze.

Quietly, the 18-year-old settled into an empty table, flipped open her physics book and focused. Nothing mattered now except homework.

“No wonder you’re going to Harvard,” a girl teased her.

Around here, Khadijah is known as “Harvard girl,” the “smart girl” and the girl with the contagious smile who landed at Jefferson High School only 18 months ago.

What students don’t know is that she is also a homeless girl.

As long as she can remember, Khadijah has floated from shelters to motels to armories along the West Coast with her mother. She has attended 12 schools in 12 years; lived out of garbage bags among pimps, prostitutes and drug dealers. Every morning, she upheld her dignity, making sure she didn’t smell or look disheveled.

On the streets, she learned how to hunt for their next meal, plot the next bus route and help choose a secure place to sleep — survival skills she applied with passion to her education.

Only a few mentors and Harvard officials know her background. She never wanted other students to know her secret – not until her plane left for the East Coast hours after her Friday evening graduation.

“I was so proud of being smart I never wanted people to say, ‘You got the easy way out because you’re homeless,’ ” she said. “I never saw it as an excuse.”

Graduating fourth in her class, Khadijah Williams stands at the podium during her graduation ceremony on Friday night.

Read the rest here:

LATimes NewsSource

Posted in OMG | 1 Comment »

Friday, June 26, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

It’s just a coincidence that I’m blogging about another church issue.
I could probably write about it every day because I’m sure there’s no shortage of church buffoonery out there in cyberspace.

In this vid a guy named Bro. Frankie is jamming to music during offering and breaks into something that I can only imagine slaves used to do.

I need the Mu Fugga to go to the last church I blogged about and get the gayness exorcised out of his fruity ass.

He’s so fruity that he could be a member of that purple church on Rockaway Ave.

Here he is in another one…

WTF!
Did I see this Mu Fugga just Stop..Drop..and Lock it??

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, OMG | 2 Comments »

Friday, June 26, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

This Shyt here is straight insane.
Now I know why my boy Thickcrust always wants to buy me a burger with extra ketchup every time I’m in NY.
Adam I will never eat a burger near you and I’m getting a restraining order.

Here’s the vid:

Now on the real if a Mu Fugga comes over to me while I’m eating a damn sandwich and starts nibbling on my damn crotch area, the Mu Fugga better have D cup tits and a Vagina (a real vagina not a fake surgical used to me a man type of a vagina).

Yo, I would have to stomp a mudhole in that dude.
I’m mad that Negro is just sitting there letting this Bytch eat pickles off his crotch and suck burger grease and ketchup off of his fingers looking like Kirk Franklin.

Posted in Food, OMG | 4 Comments »

Thursday, June 25, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Pop legend Michael Jackson died today after suffering a cardiac arrest.

Posted in OMG | No Comments »

Thursday, June 25, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Although I’ve been told by many women that I have 3 legs; I’ve never heard of this Shyt before…

The 5th leg is white  not brown like the resat of the dog and the paw has like mad nails on it. Freddy Krueger (isn’t Krueger like a German name?) doesn’t have Shyt on this dog!

Posted in OMG | No Comments »

Thursday, June 25, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Here we go again. A Church holds a homosexual exorcism.

It seems every single day I’m seeing some dumb church Shyt going on.
Doesn’t matter how many times you graduated from or have degrees from some theological school, and it doesn’t matter that you been going to church for 80 years now.

What I have discovered that fugged up folks go to fugged up churches that have fugged up members so they can all live happily fugged up after!

The sad part is this; these folks actually think they are doing right. They are so right that they won’t defend their actions when the TV reporter asks them questions. They just run and hide.

They believe what they doing is and what they saying what the Lawd wants.
Hey church folks ya listening…Fugg dat the Lawd will tell me what he wants, no interpreter needed keep your opinions to yourself.

Now these church folks who prob ain’t livin right themselves and have no problem with it are trying to tell another person they ain’t livin right.
This young 16 year old boy has had this exorcism performed 2 other times..Yes this is the 3rd time. This young boy is confused enough without having this Shyt done to him.

Now don’t take this as Mike Lowrey approving of all this Down Low Brotha Shyt running around but I’m a firm believer that unless you are harming someone live your fuggin life. If a dudes wanna be all gay…let them, it’s their right.

And if ladies want to be with other ladies and Mike Lowrey (at the same time of course) well Shyt… that’s just how I spend my Friday nights!

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, OMG | No Comments »

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

In today’s environment we are used to seeing the younger generation act a fool.
We have been seeing violent crimes with the use of firearms escalate and the ages of these dumb asses get younger, but never to this level.

It’s now to the point where you can’t even trust your 3 year olds.

I may need to start a new category of posts called Ignant Arabic Behavior

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Friday, June 19, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

These two videos speak for themselves but I’ll try to add a little commentary.
With this BullShyt going on I’m not sure why I live in TX.

1st Up

72 year old Grandma gets volts over a speeding ticket.

2nd

10 year old gets arrested  for fighting with her 8yr old sister

For a Bonus I threw in an Ignant Ass Negro Behavior Video

I wanna know what the fugg this ignant ass bastard thought was going to happen if he decided to dance his silly ass on to a treadmill in this manner.
Mufugga, you can not stankyleg, chickenwang, cabbage patch, butterfly, perculator, peewee herman or any other porchmonkey jig while boarding an active treadmill. Unrehearsed jigs or two steps should never be attempted on a piece of exercise equipment.

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Friday, June 19, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I could have sworn that I told you Mutha Fuggers about this dumb ass Ignant Ass Negro Behavior with pictures.
Matter of fact I just checked my blog AND I DID TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THIS SHYT!!!

I make you this promise folks if you don’t stop I will continue to put you on BLAST!

I’ve seen plenty of Ignant Ass Shyt in my life but I really think this is the worse…seriously.

And…………………………GO:

1. I thought I pleaded with you big girls to stop that big ass belt under your tits Shyt!
2. This is what I’m talking about ladies…I’m into Love. but at some point DRAW THE FUGGIN LINE! (and that line is prison)
3. Is that a collect call?
4. Isn’t throwing up gang signs what got your dumb ass in jail to begin with?
5. Fellas don’t you rememba when you had to have game or be handsome to get a girl. What happened to those days?
6. Why is this mutha fugga’s nose all pressed against the window hard like he’s window shopping at Bloomingdale’s?
7. Seriously..why did this Chick get all glamorous for this visit? I mean her hair and nails are done (I guess fugged up is a hairstyle these days..probably started by that chick that got Fugged up in the hair salon from my post ealier this week).
8. Is that a new sweater from Lane Bryant?
9. I think she could hide much more than a file in her bra (like an AR-15, grenade launcher or this dude’s 12 kids by 7 different Mommas).
10. Oh My Gawd!!! Bert’s in Jail!!! He finally went to jail for butt raping Ernie all these years.

Next Up…

To My Big Girlz…you know this Bytch went tooo damn far.

And………………………………….GO:

•  WHY LAWD….WHY????
• My Eyes are Fuggin Bleeding!!!
• This chick has more lumps than that hair salon chick did after that fight
• If this chick is a genie then get back in the bottle so I can throw that Mutha Fugga into the sea
• Looks like some unlucky negro pick up a 40 bottle, rubbed it, and out popped this collection of lumps, weave and unfortunate decisions
• What??? No Belt under her Tits?
• Now where did I leave my drink….Ah I got i…It was under one of her rolls.
• Wasn’t she one of the wrestlers from G.L.O.W.?

Next…

And………………………………………GO:

• So…..nobody that you know tried to stop you from going out the house like that huh? Then I guess you need new friends!
• Why is her old ass at an 18 and up club anyway….I see that pink band on your arm.
• Where the Fugg does her hairline begin?
• It could just be me but why does it look like her tits are angry at each other and are having a fight?
• Are her Nipples made of Velcro? Because that’s the reason I can think of that her tits hasn’t popped out yet.
• Is it me or does this chick have the skinniest arms in the world, reminds me of a longer version of the arms from that dinosaur from “Meet the Robinsons”

Next…

And………………………………………..GO:

• Honestly….I’ve got nothing, I’m not even gonna play myself and act brand new.
• I know I should be putting these humongous in the ass chicks on Blast (cuz that’s just what I do) but on the real these chicks wouldn’t find themselves kicked out MY bed, shyt.
• I’m just saying…  they might not get a call back, but they can audition.
• Ahh it feels good to be a man. We are such simple creatures.
• I’ll let you guys tell me whats wrong with these chicks that couldn’t be solved with a paper bag or the lights turned ALL the way off. Including that little one in the fridge.
• I mean they are really far from cute so there won’t be any chilling and egg cooking in the mornin, they would need to leave right after that nut went off.

Vid Time:

To switch it up a bit to get myself out of rant mode I included the best video Shyt you have ever seen!

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, PeopleHumor, OMG | 2 Comments »

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

At one point I thought that Women called Men dogs because when Men get excited they start to pee everywhere.
But today I now understand that it’s because men will sometimes for no apparent reason men will also try to Fu#k really old women someone’s nasty ass grandmother.

[Hey Sophie…UTube Video]

Sorry I couldn’t help myself…

Now that it’s raining more than ever
Know that we’ll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella, eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella, eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella, eh eh eh, eh eh eh)

Posted in OMG | 2 Comments »