Over-hyped/Overrated Celebs?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Who makes your list of celebs that are overrated?

Here’s my Top 5:
1. Kendra

This chick isn’t even hot.
I mean seriously she was born deformed…she has no ass at all.
Even if you close your eyes and pretended it’s still not there.
Have you heard a more annoying laugh?
That Shyt would drive me crazy…and try to stab her in the neck with a fuggin spork.
True that slutty chicks are always the most popular but she ain’t even slutty.
Lets be real she only did Hef.
Not Hef and his whole crew…so why is she always in the news.

2. Drake

First it was reported that he signed with Weezy for 4 mil and turned down a 2 Mil deal with another label.
So you tryna tell me without dropping an album he is getting Nas money
(yes I know Nas sucks ever since he sold his soul for cash to JayZ and joined his label).

Even though Nas sucks he’s still like 9 albums deep so his deal with DefJam was for about 4 to 5 mil.

Why is everyone riding this dude’s sacks?
I mean I rock that best I ever had song but it ain’t like the hottest song I’ve ever heard.
At least when Mase was coming on to BadBoy he was on like 10 remixes and was getting paid lovely before he dropped an album.
This dude hasn’t shown me much of anything other than his barber is tight with the clippers.
3. Brooke Hoagan

Fellas…Just because she’s a blonde with decent size tits please stop making her the second coming of Angelina Jolie cuz she aint.
And why does she think she can sing?

Please White Jesus make her stop doing covers of good songs and mixtape remixes with Black rappers.
There’s nothing a Black Rapper loves more than a blonde, its like crack to them and is irresistible.
Because you know one of them Fuggers is gonna get her preggers and then….
Whatchu gonna do when the old ass feeble Hulkamania comes for U???
4. The Dream and Christina Milian

In Vibe’s last final issue he’s got her more than half neked in the damn mag.
I love a redbone like the next dude
No amount of help from the Dream or AudioTone or 2Pac remixes will help her upcoming album.
I’m sick of seeing pics of these two all over the internet.
It was cool at first but now…. lets wrap it up.
Plus she’s not even remotely hot.

5. You can’t call these fools celebs but overrated yes.
They make my list simply because some people actually think these folks are real journalists.

If Fox news was around at key moments in history it would look something like this:

(The Civil War)

(The Revolutionary War)

(Ancient Greece)

Here’s some of the requirements you need to work for fox:

Mental retardation
Raised by the Clan
Morally Bankrupt
Social Outcast
Picked on in school and forced to give someone your lunch or lunch money daily
Journalism School dropout
Ignant as all Hell
Lost virginity by paying a woman in cash
Parents were 1st cousins

Posted in CelebStuff, rant | 2 Comments »

Jumpin Jack Flash….

Monday, July 13, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Side Note: Jack, Thanks for the support
I have been thinking of pitching a show to a cable TV network for a few weeks now.

Now onto business..

Plumpdumpling, it seems our boy Jack thinks that I update my blog too much.

So you know that I had to investigate this accusation….

First I looked at my blog stats:  Total of 4,000 hits in just 12 days.
Then I looked at Jack’s blog stats: Total of 20 hits in the past 7 months

On a bad day it seems I’m getting over 200 hits per day. So I think its safe to say folks are reading my blog for sure.
On a good day it seems Jack’s blog gets 1 hit .

Then I looked at Jack’s blog:
(click on image for larger view)

After looking at his site I can only come up with 2 possible answers to why he feels this way.

1) Jack feels that Blogs should only be updated once a year like his (last entry Dec 2008).
Jack this thinking is incorrect.
You can actually blog as much as you like.

2) He’s still thinking about what to blog about and it’s just taking 7 months plus to decide.

One of my readers has informed me that my site has started hitting a few corporate firewall www blacklists.
Damn I’m getting up there like youtube, lol.

I have fists of Fury…

Lol, I still gots maaaaadddddluv for ya Jack!
(DO NOT START CRYING!! Man up. You still my boy!)

Posted in rant | 2 Comments »

I love Microsoft Windows….

Saturday, July 11, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

because without it… My screen wouldn’t look like this:

(click image for larger view)

Posted in rant, tech | No Comments »

Club Photos….

Friday, July 10, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

We’ve discussed this Shyt before but ya’ll just don’t Fuggin give a damn do you?

Let’s just get into this…no intro needed.

And………………………………………………..Go

I guess ugly as hell is the theme for this party.

I’m not even gonna act brand new.
And fellas don’t front; you would all do the same thing I’m about to say!

If I was in a club with my peeps (and you know how I be…all tipsy as hell and shyt) and this chick passed by.
I would kick it to her..You know I would have to walk up to her all GC and sauve and the first thing out of my mouth to her would be “Damn look at them Tiddys!!! I’d be rockin them thangs like crazy.
I’m talkin bout suckin on those twinz like some neckbones that was sitting in Collard Greens.

On the real…. You know it would probably take me about 15 minutes of kicking it to her before I even looked up at her face.
But when I did I’d probably bust out my Rambo knife and try to defend myself  again this Fuggin Sasquatch.

Fellas don’t act like I’m the only one who Fugged a chick cuz she had crazy T&A and a busted face.
And Ladies don’t act like you ain’t neva Fugged an ugly grizzly ass dude because you heard or though he was packin a crazy ass Willy Wonka.

My condolences for those women who stayed with and are still with that grizzly ass ugly dude [with all your girlfriends be making fun of you] just for some good Willy Wonka.

I know Kokonut is gonna be all over me for this but you do realize that this is a West Indian Club right? (I’m not saying they are Jamaican. I’m just saying there are some Jamaican folks up in this Shyt. And you know there’s some Haitians and Trinidadians in the mix).

This party had to be Fuggin Stankin.
I can promise you that this place smelled like Guinness Stout, fried bologna, old mayonnaise, fried cod fish, wet dog, the planet Uranus, someone’s anus and an upper lip after a Dirty Sanchez.

I mean this club probably smelled like a sandwich that you lost 3 months ago and then found it yesterday on the back shelf in the fridge.

I mean this party had to smell like highly enriched weapons grade uranium.
I mean this party had to smell like that guy in the empty subway car.

Lastly…

There sooooo much wrong with this picture my brain is freezing.

OMG…she needed to leave her GUT at the coat check or something.
Did she just have a baby? Not like last year …I mean like 12 minutes before this pic was taken.

WTF is that on her eyes?

She looks just like that muppet

Posted in rant, PeopleHumor | 1 Comment »

Retro…

Thursday, July 9, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I was recently looking over a batch of sexy ass sexy photos that some of my female fans have sent in over the past 2 weeks (please ladies keep those pics coming) and I saw something that I had hoped to never see again in my life.

Something that has haunted my dreams since my childhood in the mean streets of Brooklyn.

Please prepare yourself…for this grotesque image I’m about to show you…

Yes…. the Jelly shoe.
Folks have I been paying soo much attention to stilettos that I was unaware that these has come back out and are now designer.

The shoe above is by Marc Jacobs.

Please Lawd…take these shoes away.

Yuk!

Posted in rant | 3 Comments »

Police Stop Ambulance en route to hospital for a moving violation!!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Come on…Are you serious OKlahoma State Troopers?
I’m not saying that this Ignant Cop Behavior is racially motivated…I just think the cop was obeying Oklahoma’s state mandate of Racial Profiling!

I think if the EMT driver was White; the cops wouldn’t have had a problem.
Or was the issue that the EMT drove through a White neighborhood so profiling kicked in?

[For those who cant get youtube click here for the abcnews video]

But this does bring up a much bigger issue that is a major problem all across the U.S.

Why do local and state police officers think they own the world?
I mean what kind of Fuggin God complex must you have to stop an EMT ambulance for failing to completely yield at sign when they are trying to get a patient to a hospital!!!

I’ve seen cops hold up 2 lanes on Atlantic Ave in Brooklyn (and NY folks know Atl Ave only has 3 lanes) just so they could have a chat and not get out of their cars. I’ve seen cops park in bus stops to go into Dunkin Donuts. I’ve seen cops run red lights on the way back to the precinct just because they are at the end of their shift and want to get off duty.

Sound Off Folks on the comments.
This Shyt is crazy?

Posted in rant, Southern, OMG | No Comments »

This is one of the many reasons why I don’t go to Church!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

I know just a handful of Church Folks that are real.
I don’t put them on a pedestal or anything I just really admire their values as a person.
I can only think of about 3 people that I would call up to talk Lawd with (a.k.a. Churchin’), my boy Roderick, my BFF Hallia and her Sis, well that’s the whole list.

I know plenty of Folks who go to Church but and I don’t care how long you’ve been going to church. If you’re not on my list above…well then we can be cool friends (I have a lot of good friends that go to church) but just don’t try to hit me up with a whole lotta Lawd talk, that would be a bad move for you. Especially if I know you’re mostly full of Shyt as far as Church goes.

Most Churches to me are like a bad Ponzi scheme.
Madoff wend to jail for doing the Shyt some Churches do today.

Church Pastors and paid officials have been making a pretty penny at it for a long time.

And in Catholic churches, they just start making all types of Shyt in 24ct. Gold, and wearing blinged out medallions like they were a part of 50 Cents crew.

Here are a couple of Ignant Ass Church Negroes that are trying to make a penny off of the community by instead of offering job training programs, college aid assistance, events to lift the community morally, nope…they decided instead to help out folks this way:

Oh My Lawd Bail Bonds? WTF! And this guys a damn Bishop. I know B’More is having Black Crime issues but seriously… Bail Bonds from Churches…I’m Done.

Posted in rant, Southern, OMG | 1 Comment »

It’s A Hard Knock Life…

Monday, June 1, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Here’s a new story about one dude busting nuts up in lots of women and now has 21 fu#kin kids.

Maybe I have a higher sense of self respect but if Hot Ass Jackie O wanted me to hit it and I know she got 21 kids, HELL TO THE NO! She could keep that thing away from me. I don’t give a Fugg how hot your body or pu$$y is the answer is NO. You are not touchin my Dyck!

But apparently many ladies have a different opinion.  Because this guy was able to have 21 kids with at least 9 women.
Here’s the kicker he has a minimum wage job. Being that the gov’mt can only take 50% of his check and you split that between all of them the baby mommas can only get about $2 -$20 a month.

Real Talk Fu#k that I think I Love him Shyt! If your man doesn’t have his Shyt together…then he ain’t a man! Get a new one!

It baffles my why women are dating and having babies with ignant ass non-working or minimum wage dumb asses.
Sure everyone has to start somewhere but the smart mutha fu#kers actually progress. Ladies your man ain’t gonna be set tryna retire as a busboy.

Real Talk for my younger female readers: ladies by the time your dude is….say 25 he should have career goals that don’t include becoming a rapper, basketball star, chillin watchin 106 and Park every day or packing bags at key-food (or wal-mart for you folks who aren’t in the northeast). For example most people who want to become a doctor are in med school by the age of 24. So what does that say about a dude whose 25 -29 and still thinking bout what he wants to do. What does it say about your dude when he’s always talking about getting spinning rims and doesn’t have a car. The dude in this clip is 29 and has no career hope what so ever, but apparently 12 women wanted him enough to have some babies.

Even more Real talk:

For my Black Ladies…If the requirement to get what’s between your legs was a college degree…oh Shyt, then 70% of eligible black guys would be in college not the 15-20% currently. But as long as you ladies don’t think about your future or the future you’re giving your kids…then be happy with that $2-$20 a month from child support ladies.

This is not a put down on black guys or guys in general; its a put down to lazy ass ignorant dudes and the women who love them.Because most of the time ladies you can see that a guy ain’t Shyt but put that in the back of your minds and start that I love him nonsense.
Love ain’t never made the lights come on and put food on the table. I’m not saying be a gold digger, I’m saying have some common sense judgment when picking your mate.

And that’s what’s on my mind.

Rant Over, Sorry I couldn’t hold it in.

Posted in Ignant Negro Activity, rant | 2 Comments »

Mike’s Corner (Chai Latte anyone?)

Sunday, May 24, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Every so often I let off a crazy rant called Mike’s Corner.
This enables me to let off a little steam so I don’t start picking people off with an AK-47 from a rooftop.

As a reminder folks: If you want to get an email notice whenever I add a new entry to my blog; please go to my subscribe page and enter your email address.

Now on to my blog entry…

I really can’t take it anymore. Why do people continue to do dumb ass Shyt?
I mean I’d be damned if you catch me at a Tea-bagging party!!

You WILL NOT catch me doing this Shyt in protest of any president nor at any political party event!!!!

I mean seriously folks, I gotta ask this question to my White Peeps…
What possesses ya’ll to do this Shyt???
This is a WTF moment, at all these events you didn’t see many Black folks attending except for your occasional cock-eyed sell-outs (pun was intended).

(Say Hi to Ron Christie everyone)

I mean if they continue with this tea-bagging thing I can only say that the G.O.P. stands for the Grand Overtly-Gay Party.

Please folks no crazy political talk on the comments, This isn’t the Huffington Post. I respect everyone’s right to their beliefs and opinions but I think the US has to be run from the middle not the center left not the center right. Its called compromise.

I love NY and it’s a pretty Liberal kind of town but you don’t see NY’ers running around Tea-bagging…

Ok, My bad as you can see from above; there are a few sections of NY’ers Tea-bagging…but not in the GOP sense of the word.

OK….Ok….ok… enough I get the point Chuck and Larry;  correction there’s a lot of NY’ers Tea-bagging. Geez no more pictures please, my stomach is getting queasy.

Lawd have Mercy Mike…
I have yet another correction: Everyone and Everything in NY is Tea-bagging!

Dammit Mike Lowrey!! I said enough with the pictures..You’re scaring the kids!

For those who are new to the term (if you haven’t already figured out the meaning), let me explain:

Poll Question of the Day:

Even the Prison Economy is tanking!
OUtside of prison Gas looks to be heading to $3 a gallon again and in prison a pack of smokes looks to be heading towards 3 hand jobs.

Hey Adam, I have a new alias…some ladies call me Chai Latte. So add that to the list of aliases that you are tracking (I think Adam works for the Federales). No not the Mexican Federal Police, but these guys.

Sorry Adam but since Tomur left the U.S. (I hope he still reads my blog in between taking belly button shots of scotch from Singapore prostitutes…Tomur you soooooooooo better send pictures of that!!) you’re the pick on guy now, but you’re still my boy and I gots mad luv for ya bro.

Posted in rant | No Comments »

The Most Interesting Man In The World…

Monday, May 11, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Stay Thirsty My Friends….

He once  had an awkward moment just to see how it feels.

He believes that sex should be between a Woman and a Man and another Woman.

His shirts never wrinkle.

His Ego can actually be seen from space.

Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it still gets there.

Policewomen often question him, just because they find him interesting.

He once punched a Mime, that’s right you heard me!

If a monument was built in his honor, Mt. Rushmore would close, due to poor attendance.

It is said the sun comes up later on the 6th of May, in case his Cinco parties run long.

The Mayans and Atztecs prophesized his birth.

He once taught a German Shepard to bark in Spanish.

He serves sizzling fajita platters barehanded.

Even Lucha Libres remove their masks in his presence.

He has never lost a sock while doing laundry.

If he disagrees with you, it is because you are wrong.

It is said that his charisma expands at the same rate as the Galaxy.

My Ego…

I got a big ego… ha ha..
That’s because they love my big ego.

Hell I’m just tryna stay recession free.
Usually I’m humble but not right now I don’t choose to
Some call it arrogant, I call it confident.

Maybe it’s because I don’t need to call into work cuz I’m the boss.

Maybe its because I can ask lil’ mama in the club
Do you have a boyfriend?
And she’ll say hell yeah but I will leave my boyfriend.

What do the ladies say about my ego:
Its too big, its too wide, its too strong, it won’t fit
Its too much, Its too tough..you got a big ego!

I walk like that cuz I can back it up.

You love my big Ego.

Posted in rant, Random | 1 Comment »

Hot Mess Rant…

Friday, April 3, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

This Shyt doesn’t make any sense at all!!!

First up let me pour out a little liquor for King Magazine which is officially a wrap.

Where else is a brother gonna be able to look at 14 pages of the thickest, juiciest asses in hip hop in between 89 pages of Liquor, Rims, Hood Clothes (that’s sean john, phat farm, ecko, etc..) and Ringtone ads!

King Mag gave us hot cover shots like this:

(These KING covers will show you why a great onion makes
tears come from my eyes and why I won’t ever stop
biting the hell out of NY Apples, Georgia Peaches and Northwest Pears)

 

        

Remember when this dude was hot!
All y’all old chicks was on this brother like he was a bottle of Hennessey.

Now this non tax paying Fugg-up is doing movies like the Art of War 12, Blade 6 and The Dark and the Furious with Vin Deisel.

Now this is the Nastiest Shyt I’ve ever seen.
At first glance I thought is was a scene from the movie Orca the Killer Whale but then in horror I saw the real scoop.
I think this brave man was trying to save this extremely large woman from drowning by giving her CPR, but she was so huge he had no idea where her face actually was.

Yo Seriously I’m the number #1 fan of a woman with juicy butt in a thong but this is sooooooooo not that!
This is straight Nasty, Stankkk just Stanky, Stank-olicious.

(I’m soooo proud of myself; I didn’t even make a Nikia joke on that one, way too easy)

Now for some Videos of the Week (Mad Funny Shyt):

Octomom Gives Birth:

Now here’s Adam’s (and a few of Crystal’s and Nikia’s ex-boyfriends) favorite song of the Week:
(I gave you a pass on the crack above, but I wasn’t letting this one go by)

What What?

About halfway through this I was laughing so hard I think I gave birth…

I wanted to say “just shut the Fugg up and throw is ass in lockup.

Posted in rant, Random | 1 Comment »

4 My Peeps… ending in a Hot Ghetto Mess Rant!!!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Once again here we are to break things down, I hope you enjoy.
Don’t forget to leave comments!

Things White People Like

Political Causes:

Political prisoners make excellent choices whenever a white person
asks you to name a personal hero.  If they drop an answer like
“Kurt Cobain” or “Toni Morrison” you can easily trump them by
offering up a name like Mumia Abu Jamal or Nelson Mandela which
will show white people that you are smart, well informed, and political.
Or that you own at least one Rage Against the Machine CD.

If you want to befriend a large number of white people at the same
time, the easiest way to do it is to go to jail for political reasons.

White people love political prisoners because they are individuals
who have been locked up because their beliefs or their presence stands
in defiance of an unjust system. In fact, most white people would love
to be locked up for their beliefs provided that they could go to a
jail with private toilets, plenty of books and no rape.

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

The “N” Word:

Being that Martin had to march & Malcolm resisted by any means necessary
I would think Black folks might be a little more sensitive to this word.

But since none of us has actually had to run for freedom from a White
slave owner and have ever been whipped by one I guess we’re much
more willing to accept the word in everyday use by other Black folks.

Don’t get confused, we’ve never been “Whipped”, what our parents,
family members and sometimes neighbors did to us growing up is
called an “Ass Whoopin”. In the world today the N word is used
frequently by urban folks as a term on endearment to another man.
The N word is being used today because:

• Brotha was overused in the 60’s
• Jive Turkey was overused by Superfly and the Mack in the 70’s
• Homey was overused in the 80’s
• Dude was overused by Pauly Shore in the 90’s
• Biyatch has been overused in the 2000’s

A non-black friend of mine once made the remark, “But it’s not fair, why
do you get to say it and we can’t? It’s just a word like stupid or dummy.”
Because I considered this person a dear friend, I explained the sordid history
of the word and its origins during the times of slavery when it was used to
belittle us as human beings, creating a history of low self-esteem and a
self-fulfilling prophecy of substandard achievement from generation to generation.

I saw that my words weren’t making any sense to him so I ended by
saying, “Because you’ll get your Ass Kicked That’s Why!”

So my best advice is that if you have to ask your black friend if it’s cool
to use the N word around him….it’s probably not.
For safety purposes please use one of the overused terms I listed above.

Things White People Like

St. Patricks Day:

Normally if someone were to wake up at 7:00 in the morning,
take the day off work, and get drunk at a bar before 10:00 a.m.,
they would be called an alcoholic…but not White people on
St. Patties Day. March 17th is just another day for Black people
but White people know its true value.
For my Black Peeps here’s 3 things that will get you through
any St. patties Day celebration with your White friends:

1. Memorize the lyrics to Jump Around by House of Pain
2. Most likely your white friends ancestors were oppressed by both
   the English and the Americans, it is strongly recommended that you
   lend a sympathetic ear and shake your head in disbelief. It is never
   considered acceptable to say: “but you’re white now, so what’s the problem?”
3. Find out who in the Hell are the Dropkick Murphys

To gain the ultimate respect on this day you must play your ace card.
As someone orders a round of Guinness, you must take a single sip
and while the other white people are savoring their drink, you
say: “mmmm, I know it sounds cliche, but it really is true.
Guinness just tastes better in Ireland.”
You will be a huge hit with your white friends.

Be warned that White folks will drink until they pass out on this day.
Resist the urge to keep up with them round for round or end up like these guys.
For example the guy below was at the LIRR Penn Station, I’m sure
by the time he woke up his wallet was on its way to a new home.
His wife must be soooo proud. He must live on the west side of
Long Island since he’s not wearing a Movado watch.

Things Black People and Southern White People Like

Being a Hot Ghetto Mess:

This one is a bit longer because there’s just too many examples I can’t pass up.

I luvs me some T&A like every other Brotha’ out there.
(except those D.L., in tha closet brothers that are faking it)
Maybe love isn’t a strong enough word for what I feel about T&A.
(it’s my everything my reason for living)
There ain’t a damn thing wrong with a woman with an ass
that I can sit my orange or grape drink on.
For my White Peeps this is what grape drink is about:

But this Shiznit here is taking it too far.
I WOULD NOT BEEN SEEN with this chick in the following places:

• up in a dance club
• at a grocery store
• at a restaurant
• at my family reunion BBQ
• even at a strip club
• anywhere outside where I could be spotted with her

I’mma be real… But say if I came over her crib say about 3am and she was
dressed like that for a personal show with my camera a Brotha would
be a little more lenient about criticizing that outfit.
(And as long as she promised her red hair or whatever that is on
her head wouldn’t jump up and try to bite me and if I was
never ever seen with her in public and she promised to never call me)

Now initially I though this was a pic of a brave dude tackling an escaped
grizzly bear, but after looking at it again I realized in horror that he
was hugging the grizzly…. apparently he’s into beastiality.
(do not google beastiality without safesearch on, matter of fact just don’t google the word at all)

Please notice that the grizzly has it’s leg wrapped around the chair for fear
that the dude may drop it due to the fact he’s not the Incredible Hulk, Lou Ferrigno

Is there some predator guy running around sneaking photos of pregnant women
for his sick twisted collection…nope its just a bunch of hot ghetto mess chicks
posing for another picture that should never have been taken.
Sadly enough they are all pregnant by the same guy…Pookie Jenkins

Aight….lets talk about fashion & weaves/hair!
It should be two separate discussions, but no..not this chick!
She combines the two with no elegance.
I wonder what kind of shampoo she uses to
get that tit smell out of her hair?

I can say for certain that this child is not our future.
But we will need to pay for his incarceration with our tax dollars.
He can’t read yet but knows all the lyrics to Nas’ first 5 albums.
Folks taking pics of your kids like this is NOT CUTE!!

Sorry to go on about this… but I’m on my 3rd martini and
this Hood BullShit makes me mad!

WHAT THE FU#k DUDE???

Apparently this Mutha Fu#ker doesn’t know that Slavery ended 143 years ago.
This Dumb ass has been in this backyard living off of leaves & berries trying to find
the underground railroad for the past 30 years.

Do you Smell That?
Nah..but you will after this pic!
May I present The Ghetto Power Puff Girlz

I can’t even comment on this.
(please folks…a mind is a terrible thing to waste…donate to the UNCF)
(Can someone tell me why the chick on the far right has her legs wide open?)

Lastly,
If Moet, Ciroc, Louis V or Gucci are not paying you, please stop advertising for them.
Now of course this is the ghetto mess section so in this case were not talking about
high end brands….we’re talking about “Skittles”.

I’m not trying to see what’s at the end of this rainbow at all…

Seriously there’s no reason for this unless Skittles has cut you a damn check!

Then End… it’s 2am and I’m going to bed!
(this post is on a delay so you’ll get it around 9am)

Posted in rant, PeopleHumor, OMG | 5 Comments »

W.T.F. is up with these infomercial dudes!!

Thursday, February 26, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

O.M.F.G.  I am sooooo freaking tired of turning on my TV
and seeing these lame weird guys trying to sell me dumb ass
items I have no interest in buying.

First up is the Big Boy Billy Mays:

This dude has tried to pimp everything you can think of including his mother:

• Aquapel
• Awesome Auger, Ground Aug, Weed Auger, and Power Extender gardening tools
• Bedazzler
• Big City Slider Station
• Bloomin’ Onion Maker
• Buddy Putty
• CLR - Calcium Lime Rust
• Ding King automotive dent remover
• Dualsaw
• Easy Off Bam!
• Energize energy supplement
• EngraveIt
• Foodsaver
• FreeFone wireless phone holder
• Gator Grip
• Gem It
• Gopher reach extending tool
• Handy Switch
• Hercules Hook wall hangers
• House Dust
• Kaboom! cleaning product
• Lint-B-Gone lint brush
• Liquid Diamond car waxing product
• Mantis Roto-Tiller
• Micro-Men Duster
• Mighty Mend It
• Mighty Putty
• Mighty Shine
• Miracle Whip
• Never-Scrub tile cleaner
• Orange Clean, Orange Glo
• OxiClean
• Quik Strip wire stripping tool
• Samurai Shark knife sharpener
• Sealtite Tire Sealant
• Simoniz Fix It Scratch Remover
• Steam Buddy
• Swiffer SweeperVac
• Tommy and Rumble
• Turbo Tiger vacuum cleaner
• Turbo Vac vacuum cleaner
• Vidalia Chop-it
• Vidalia Slice-it
• Vidalia Slice Wizard
• What Odor? odor eliminator spray
• Zip Wrench
• Zorbeez absorbent towels

Next is the New Carrot Top (wannabe Jim Carey) of Infomercials

• Sham-Wow
• Slap-Chop

Now the British version of these annoying fu#kers

• The One Sweep
• Natural Bra, (WTF a guy selling a bra???)
• Jet Tan
• Slimming Pants
• Glass Wizard
• Swivel Sweeper
• First Alert Instant Alarm
• The Stick Up Bulb!

Anyone else annoyed? Or do you whip out your credit card and buy?

Also have you heard about the guy who decided to bill his
Ex-girlfriend after they broke up? (click on image to view full size img)

I would have charged her $150,000 for “sperm donations”.

Posted in rant | 3 Comments »

Mike’s Corner

Monday, February 9, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Before I begin, just a quick note…
A new edition of “4 My Peeps…” will be out sometime this week.
I’m working on some fire for this edition, lol I’m hoping on Wed.

What’s Up with Crazy_Ass Vanity license plates:

Then why are you driving a Ford Crown Vic if you aren’t!!
So the dog can have extra room.
Dude let me give you a tip,
no prostitute is going anywhere near that car.
(I don’t believe you, you cop)

Here’s Plumpdumpling’s vanity plate:
(Ohio insurance is too high so her car is registered in Wisconsin)

Here’s ThickCrust’s Plate:

If you see this car and plate…..

RUN MUTHA F#*kin’ RUN!!!

Sophie, change the plates on your car to this…
(only for about 3 -7 days every 28 days or so)

Here’s SexyRed’s Plate:

Here’s my Ex-Wife’s Plate:

Kokonut I had to put your plate up:

What’s on my plates you ask?
I’m Mike Lowrey…what else would I have

Send me an email if you want to see a video called,
“2 Girls 1 Mike Lowrey”
I cannot confirm or deny that I’m in the video
I cannot confirm or deny that I’ve ever been with two women
I can only confirm that someone with my likeness
may be in it

Here’s a guy from Jersey with this Plate….
(Name is being withheld, Adam wanna take a guess?)
(Hint it’s not Jack as he lives in WuTangLand)

Posted in rant, Random | 2 Comments »

Rant…

Saturday, January 31, 2009 by Mike Lowrey.

Sorry I just had to get this off my chest.

Is the price of black pepper really that expensive?

I mean why is it that there’s only a few sprinkles of pepper in a pack?
Pepper never gave anyone high blood pressure
but yet there’s only a few sprinkles of it in a pack.
I actually need to use 3-4 packs for an order of small fries.

W.T.F?

Now in a salt pack, you can easily head on to the afterlife
if you attempt to put a whole pack on an order of fries.

There’s a small salt mine in one of these things.
Just one pack can be used on 12 orders of large fries
and you’ll still have salt left over.
Then you’re running around the store trying to get
90 pepper packets for the same amount of fries.

All I want to know is …Why?

Posted in rant | 1 Comment »